Escaping from stress

I love to cook. I'm especially good at baking. I've only recently begun to experiment with different recipes and methods of cooking. I made my first successful rue last month, for instance. That was something I'd never thought I could do.

Baking is a comfort for me, both the action and the baked goodies I get after I'm finished. Good day or bad, my mom loved to cook. She's the one who taught me to bake and for all the things she did to me, I can honestly say she never went so far as to deliberately burn me, cut me, or any of the other myriad things that could happen in a kitchen. When I was old enough to manage on my own, she let me start baking without supervision. Since this was a way to keep her off my back, I jumped on the chance.

As I've gotten older, I've found it to be a release from a stressful day. I don't have much room to work with for baking here, but I've managed a few times to get something in the oven. What I've baked has come out good and I've shared it with everyone in the house.

Himself derives comfort in his music. He listens to some rather twisted stuff, at a volume I prefer not to deal with. In my case, I put on my earbuds and can drown him out most of the time. He also finds comfort in his video games, especially Minecraft. He can lose himself for hours building and creating in that game. Most of the time he does both at the same time. He'll put his earphones in when I go to bed, or when he really wants to focus.

Himself has always found an escape in video games. He's played Everquest, World of Warcraft, Eve Online. He plays multi-player games with our nephew and his friends, mostly stealth shooter games. Himself plays Minecraft and spends time on an online verbal chat program talking to people playing in the same server he is. He loves it.

As he's gotten older, his taste in games has changed. At first it was running around using magic to kill everything (EQ and WoW). Then it was having a spaceship and doing the same thing. He even became a pirate and attacked other ships with a corporation (EO). Now, for the most part, it's building and creating things.

Everyone uses a different way to escape from stress. For some, it's listening to music. For others, it's going for a walk or jogging. Books, TV shows, movies, all of these are good ways to escape stress as well. It's a way to let our mind process what we're dealing with and come to an understanding of and a possible solution to deal with it.

What do you do to relax and take some of the stress off? Do you have a set ritual to help you focus on something else, to let your mind work its way through what's causing you problems?

Following dreams

I write fantasy. For those of you who've been around for a while that shouldn't shock you. I also write science fiction. I've got multiple story lines in both of those genres. I have no idea which ones will sell and which ones won't, but I'm going to keep writing because it makes me happy. Writing has been a passion of mine since I was a child and I have no intention of giving it up.

I've had a few people tell me to get a “real” job, that being an author never pays out. Being unpublished, I can accept that it isn't paying out now. It doesn't mean it won't pay out in the future. I'm on disability so I can do this full time, but I'm also looking for a job because aside from what you may have heard, disability doesn't go very far when it's your only income.

Himself, for three years, has been living his dream of having his own business with two partners. But things were getting rocky and now there's an even bigger divide: the guys are moving to Oregon while Himself is staying here. That makes working as partners even harder. Now Himself is faced with the choice of either getting a regular job or trying to carry one with one facet of the business on his own, one which has been profitable but not in a consistent manner. He also isn't sure now if he's going to maintain this partnership or go a different direction. We were also talking about moving up to Oregon to be with the guys. We agreed to give it six months before we made any decision. We may not even get up there. But Himself is still willing to pursue his dream of owning his own business.

We've both gotten flak about how we're living our lives. And I'll admit it's not a comfortable life. But we manage to get by. Sometimes that's the trade off for living your dreams. You have to take a chance, be willing to trade a little discomfort for the passion that drives you. You have to let go and accept risks that you normally wouldn't.

In our case, without my disability we wouldn't be able to do this. But now it's become more difficult for us. I'm looking for a part time job right now, which will eat up some of my time. But it'll be worth it if it gives us more opportunity to keep doing what we want to do.

How about you? Do you have a dream job? Do you have other dreams you're hoping to achieve someday?

Pain and injury

Sunday afternoon, as I was carrying the litter box out to dump it, I missed the bottom step on the stairs leading out to the front yard. I crashed and burned pretty hard, dropping the litter box and banging my knees pretty hard. I finished taking care of the litter box and discovered it was cracked. I created a makeshift fix for the problem. Only then did I realize my right knee was bleeding. I'd taken quite a chunk out of it when I fell.

It got cleaned up and a band aid went over it. Himself wasn't overly concerned about it but he did empathize with me. As I got up to fix lunch I realized I also twisted my ankle. I wasn't going to be able to stand and cook for any length of time. So I told Himself to fix his own lunch and sat back down with a bag of frozen peas on my much abused ankle. (Works just as well as an ice pack when you don't have ice.)

Himself and I have a very different level of pain tolerance. I am a pain wuss. I hate it and can overreact to it. I often want to go to the doctor (or the ER if I think it's bad enough) to get checked out. Without insurance or Medicaid that was very expensive, and I have medical bills from those times.

Himself, on the other hand, won't go to a doctor unless there's no other choice. It doesn't matter how much pain he's in. He won't let me call and make an appointment for him or do it himself. I've gotten him to the doctor a few times in the last twelve years, but it was kicking and screaming. The worst problem he had was when he broke his hand when we'd been married for around two years. It hurt but he ignored it for three days until it started turning dark colors. I made him go to our doctor then and she got a cast on him within an hour of him getting there.

Emotional pain runs a very similar course for us. I react poorly to emotional pain and at times it can cripple me. Himself deals with emotional pain similarly to his way of dealing with physical illness and pain. He accepts it, makes it part of himself, and pushes past it rather quickly. I've only seen him lose to it five times in twelve years. He may have done so other times, but never in front of me.

Everyone deals with pain in a different way. Physical, emotional, psychological – it's all real pain and everyone has their own way of reacting to it and coming to grips with it. I can honestly say I've gone through all three of those and they've shaped who I am today. I may be a wimp at times but Himself tells me I'm stronger than I was twelve years ago. My dad tells me I'm stronger than I was when I left home for the first time when I was 22.

Everyone gains strength from adversity, from challenges. The catch is we have to deal with the consequences of making those decisions and changes. Sometimes they're good. Sometimes they're bad. Either way they're going to change you.

How do you deal with pain of any kind? Have you changed because of those experiences?

Childhood

I was on FB yesterday when I saw one of the trending news things. (I hate that trending thing but will occasionally go read something that catches my attention.) I knew that he'd been taken off life support so I was both glad and sad to see that Casey Kasem was dead.

There's a lot about his music and radio career on there but the biggest thing I remember him for is Shaggy in Scooby Doo. I grew up on Scooby Doo, both reruns and the series that came about because of the original series. I had a few reservations about Scrappy Doo, but I still loved the cartoon series.

I loved Scooby Doo. I loved how mysteries could be solved so quickly, and that in most of the series, it was just a person in a costume. It taught me that behind all the evil things there was a person with a reason, even if that reason made no sense or was intended to hurt someone.

Cartoons taught me so many things when I was growing up. How to stand up for myself. How to be honest. How to love. How to be creative. I wasn't allowed to watch too many of them as my TV time was limited, but I picked my favorites and religiously watched them, even if it meant getting up at 6:30 in the morning. Sometimes, when I got up that early, I'd sneak in an extra show or two before my mother got up.

Saturday morning cartoons are a thing of the past now. The networks have taken them off the air for the most part to make way for other programming. So children now don't have the opportunities many of us did when we were growing up. I used to wonder what made them take them off the air. I have a feeling it has to do with the way parenting has changed since I was a child.

I can remember riding in the back of our station wagon, curled up in a nest with my younger sister. When I rode in the back seat, I didn't have to wear a seatbelt. When I was allowed to go outside to play, I didn't have to be back in until my mom called or until it started getting dark, whichever came first. I could ride my bike without a helmet. Strangers weren't regarded in the same way as they are now.

When did society change? What made it change? When did we go from an easy going society to a hyper paranoid one? Children these days aren't allowed to play, to fall down and get hurt, to just be kids. They're taught from the time they're small that they have to be miniature adults. A friend of mine put her son into preschool. She was horrified that her son wasn't given much of a chance to play. He was given worksheets that he had to fill out, books he had to read, homework he had to do. In preschool. She looked around for a new one but couldn't afford the ones that would give him what she wanted. So she pulled him out and turned him loose to play and learn on his own.

We are hurting children by not letting them do art, play at both home and school, discover new things on their own. So many parents regulate everything their children do to the point that children don't learn to think for themselves. Our schools are only reinforcing this by having children learn things to pass tests. It's feared that as adults, they're not going to know how to deal with life. It's going to cause a lot of problems for them.

When did childhood stop being about the children? What do you think about the way things are going now?

Superstitions

Friday the 13^th has a negative connotation as a day of ill fortune. People will avoid having major events (business meetings, socials, banquets) because of the fear that they'll go badly. For other days of the year, there's the good luck horseshoe. If it's put over a door, on a wall, or on a door with the legs pointed up it brings good luck to the person living in the house.

Superstitions are somewhat funny to us now, but in medieval times they were very serious. You didn't want to miss saying bless you to someone who sneezed, for instance, because a sneeze opened them up to the devil. How many of us say bless you to someone who sneezes today? It's become a habit for most people and there aren't many who know where the saying originated.

A black cat crossing your path brings you bad luck. This is another one that originated a long time ago. It's given black cats a bad rep that follows them even to this day. Black cats are less likely to be adopted, they're more likely to be euthanized because people won't adopt them, and there are still people are rumored to use them for satanic rites.

What about bells? Why do we hear wedding bells? Bells were thought to keep devils away from important events. This tradition started in Queen Elizabeth I's reign. They were used to drive off evil spirits and to ask prayers for the departed soul.

There are so many superstitions. Some people believe in them and some don't. Here is a list of the 25 most popular superstitions around the world. It's interesting to read about the different ones.

What are some superstitions you've heard of?

Aushka

This is a very rough first draft of a micro fiction I'm trying to polish. I've already had a few comments on it from beta readers. I'd love to hear other comments. 

The footsteps were getting closer. Aushka clutched the blaster tight in one hand. The other was pressed to the hole in her leg. Drops of blood spattered over the walkway showed where she'd been. Her breath came in short bursts.

“Aushka, where are you?” The sing-song voice froze the blood in her veins. “I know you're here.”

“Trill, she's been hit. Don't you think that's enough?” Beck wasn't as bloodthirsty as his sister.

“She stole from me,” Trill said, her dulcet tones taking on a note of ice.

“You got the board back, you shot her, and you've ruined her reputation on the station,” Beck said. “She's going to have to go planetside. That's a death sentence right there. Why do you need to be the one to do it?”

“No one steals from me and comes out of it alive,” Trill said.

“Trill, let it go,” Beck said.

“If you don't like it, go back to the habitat sector,” Trill said. “I'll take care of her.”

Aushka heard Beck sigh but there was no sound of him leaving. Aushka peered out through the grate covering the access to the life support units. Trill and Beck stood to one side with Trill's current toy standing to one side. He looked a little sick. He wasn't going to last long. Not with Trill's pastimes.

“She's probably down the life support shaft,” Trill said. “Beck, you go look.”

“Go look yourself,” Beck said.

“Kal?” Trill looked over at him. “Never mind. You're useless at times like this.” She stalked over to the grate. Aushka pushed herself back farther. She aimed her blaster at the opening.

“Trill Hiver, stop right there.” Trill froze. Aushka let out a slow, deep breath.

“Come to rescue your precious little girl?” Trill asked. She turned away from the grate and went back towards her brother, hips swaying with each step.

A blaster bolt stopped her before she got very far. “I said stop.” Aushka trembled at her father's voice. Garrett Leo was not a man to cross. Aushka couldn't see him but from the expressions on Beck and Kal's faces it was obvious he wasn't alone.

“What do you want?” Trill asked. There was no sweetness to her tone now. There was more of a growl to her voice.

“Two things,” Garrett said. “My daughter – alive, of course – and that board you stole from my son.”

“I didn't steal anything from your son. Your daughter stole from me,” Trill said.

“That board still has our family mark on it. You never cut it off. Now, either I get what I want or I start shooting. Either way I win.” There was the sound of blasters powering up.

“Trill, give him what he wants,” Beck said. “I can't afford you dying.”

“I don't have his daughter,” Trill said. “The board is back with Neal.”

“Don't make me laugh,” Garrett said. “I already spoke with Neal. He said you had it with you, and that you were tracking Aushka.”

“Well your daughter is in hiding,” Trill said. Aushka saw her pull something out of a pouch at her side. “Your board is here.”

“Set it down,” Garrett said. “Then go over there with that genetic waste heap you've attached to you. Beck, join them.”

Trill set the tiny thing on the ground. She sauntered over to where the two men were standing. “There. It's on the ground. Good luck getting it without killing me.”

“Aushka, it's safe now,” Garrett said, raising his voice a little. “We've got them covered. Come out.”

Aushka pushed the grate off and crawled out. Blood seeped out from behind her fingers but she managed to stay on her feet. “Sorry dad,” she said.

“I should have sent your brothers, not you. You weren't ready for this,” Garrett said. “Get the board and come over here.”

“Okay.” Aushka limped over and picked up the tiny board. It was half the size of her hand. As she walked towards her father, she heard something behind her. She turned her head in time to see Trill pull her blaster. The impact of the energy bolt spun Aushka around. She collapsed. Her eyes dimmed. She was given the chance to see Trill's body twitch and jerk as it fell not far from her. The last bit of light faded and she released her final breath.

Her eyes opened. She was cold. “Aushka, I'm sorry.” Garrett helped her sit up. “I knew she couldn't be trusted.”

“How many does this make, Garrett?” Her mother looked angry. “How many more are we going to have before you stop?”

“This is only her fourth life,” Garrett said. “The implants are good for six. I'll be sending her brothers out for a while, until I'm sure she's back on her feet.”

Aushka turned her head to the side. On the reflective metal panel just to her right, she caught glimpse of her image. Her face was distorted but she could make out a shock of red hair and a metal band running around her head and down to her jaw. “I'm okay, mom. I'm always okay.”

Reading YA and younger books

I've been reading a lot of books lately, many of them adult grade fantasy dealing with adult situations. They're fun and I love them, but I found myself looking for a simple read that had nothing to do with angsty teens and hardcore fantasy. So I went to the library and perused the juvenile books. These are books that are a little lower level than YA books. I found two of my favorite books from when I was a child: Anne of Green Gables and Little House in the Big Woods. I decided I was going to reread both series. I checked out the first three books in Anne's story but Little House on the Prairie wasn't there so I just got the first book.

These books bring me good memories. I had a much simpler view of life at the time I first read these, even though things were not very good in my life. They gave me a chance to escape into a world of the past that I didn't have any concept of.

Both of these authors drew on their own life experiences, and those of people around them, to spin these worlds. I haven't started them yet because I want to finish the last two books in the series I'm reading now. Then I'm going to immerse myself in a simpler world.

You've probably all seen the article linked here. It's been all over Facebook and Twitter. I wholeheartedly disagree with the author of this article. YA books aren't just for teens. They can provide a release, a quick read when you're looking for something that isn't as intense as an adult book. Though I'll admit that some of the YA books I've read recently can give adult books a run for their money in conflict.

I always tell people to read what they enjoy. I also say if a teen wants to read, let them. Let them read what they want. If they have questions, answer them. There's nothing wrong with reading something that makes you think. Some adults I know read the Hunger Games series and found themselves asking questions about how the world could get that way.

Do you read YA? Or sometimes books for a younger crowd? What do you read when you need a break?