Little help for the poor

One thing I've noticed talking to a few friends is their lack of charity towards others less fortunate than themselves. We were driving into a grocery store and there were panhandlers at the entrances to the parking lot. My friends were poking fun at them and making comments like “get a job” and “all they're going to use it for is booze and drugs”. Seeing some of those desperate faces made me realize how lucky I am right now. I'm dirt poor, but not to the point where I have to panhandle to get by.

Before our financial situation got as desperate as it's been these past four years, I would give money to panhandlers. I would donate money to charities. I would take things to consignment shops and donate them when I found I had too much. I would buy food just to take to the local food bank so I could help those poorer than me.

Now I rely on those places I shared with while I could. I get food from time to time from a food bank. I buy my clothes and a few of my dishes from a consignment shop. I have no spare money. I have plenty of spare time though, and with that time I have long wanted to volunteer. It's only my lack of transportation that has kept me from doing it.

I'm on SNAP and Medicaid. The food benefits aren't enough to get me through a full month, which is why I sometimes go to food banks. But it's there for me to use. I paid taxes for 20 years just so the program would be there for people to use. Now I'm in the position of needing it. I don't know how many cruel remarks about being a baby factory, being lazy, being a drain on society and I should just kill myself I get. Yes, I've heard all of them.

I've seen the shift in religions, politics, and among the general public. Instead of wanting to help the poor, the homeless, the people who aren't in a position to help themselves, they ridicule and turn away from these people. Look at what's happening to veterans. No luck finding jobs, homeless, in need of medical care they're not getting. Look at my husband and his partners. Not able to find regular jobs because of how long they've been struggling with their own business, no way to get medical help even though they need it, his two business partners aren't even able to get on food stamps because the company makes just enough money for them that it's counted as “too much”, even though they can't live on it.

If you have the ability, do something for someone. Buy a few groceries and donate them to your local food bank. Donate to consignment shops. Take a few dollars and donate them to your favorite charity. If you don't have the ability to do something financially, take some time to volunteer.

Sunday 'fess up - Some good news at last

So, this week started on a good note and ended on a good note. On Monday, I heard back from my HR representative. I was cleared to go back to work. She'd get in contact with my manager and either she or my manager would call me back. I was thrilled with that.

Then I didn't hear anything from anyone all week. So Thursday I called my manager and left her a message. She called me back Friday morning and asked if I was coming into work Friday afternoon. Needless to say I jumped at the chance to get back to work. So, now I work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. My Sunday shift is 1-6. My weekday shift is 4-9. I'm only part time until November. Then I get to go back to work full time. I'm excited though. It feels good to be back to work, even if it's at the same soul sucking job I left a year ago with no intention of going back.

I have a new appreciation for my job, now that I've been out of it for a year. I realize it is a hard job and that it's not for everyone. But I know I can do it. I've had a year to think about it and realize just what I want to do with my life. Right now, what I want to do is pay off all my debt. I need a job to do that. So I'll work and pay off my debt and eventually I'll be debt free again. That is my goal now.

On the writing front, since I've scrapped Cracked World, I haven't done as much writing this week. I'm building a timeline of historical events, since those are going to shape the world. And then I'm going to do a timeline/outline of events in Cracked World so I have some direction for the story. This also means I'm probably going to have to rewrite some major sections of Marked too but I'm not worrying about that right now.

Nothing much else to report this week. I expect I'll have more to say about the day job next week, after I've been back at it for a week.

 

Sunday 'fess up - Grrrrrrr

This week has not gone at all like I planned. Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed myself immensely this week. But I didn't get as much done on the story as I hoped to. I've been distracted by running errands and getting out of the house with Himself most of this week. It's been pleasant, if a little busy.

The main reason I'm frustrated though is my clinician's office still hasn't called me back to help me fill out the paperwork I need to have filled out before I'm allowed to go back to work. They keep telling me they'll pass on the message but nothing has happened. I'm going to keep calling every day until I get a firm answer. It's not that difficult. Read my file, copy down the info from my file onto the paperwork, and let me get my ass back to work. It's that simple.

Of course, they apparently don't think it's that simple. I could fill out the paperwork myself, except that's kind of illegal. Medical fraud and all that. Don't think the thought didn't cross my mind though. But knowing my luck they'd call my clinician's office to verify the information and I'd get caught. I'd not only lose my job but I'd probably get criminal charges laid on me. I don't want to go through that so I'll just be the exceptionally annoying squeaky wheel.

As I said, writing this week didn't happen. I maybe got 2000 words this whole week. So I'm going to try to improve that number this coming week. It all depends on how things go with Himself and with my clinician's office.

Himself signed a rather nice contract to build some kind of web page for a client that's netting him a fair bit of money. I don't know all the details but it's nice to have a steady income coming in now from him. That's why we've been running every place this week. We've been taking care of some things we've neglected because of a lack of funds.

Well that's enough rambling from me today. Hope everyone has a great week!

Thursday Thoughts - Returning to work

I had originally not planned on doing this. I was going to stay on disability and write full time. But as the months have passed that I've been on disability, I realized that I felt like I was losing a little bit of myself every day. I've spent the better part of the last 20 years working outside the home. I've had some bouts of unemployment, and some of that I was working temp agencies. But I've been working outside the home most of my adult life. It felt like I had lost a portion of my identity.

So I've decided to go back to my old job.

I've still got a job there until September 10th, and I plan on going back before that cut off date. I have a vision of finally being able to afford life to the point I can get off public assistance. Where I can afford to pay all my bills and not worry about where the money is going to be coming from. I'm not worried about buying luxuries or toys or things like that. Right now, I just want enough to pay for the things I need and maybe a little extra to put towards getting into our own place.

I don't like my old job. But I can do it. And the pay and benefits aren't bad. It's something I know how to do and can do fairly well. I'll get to see some old friends I haven't seen in almost a year. I should be back under my old manager, who as far as I know liked me well enough.

Am I scared? Very much so. I stopped working because my mental illness was so far out of control that I couldn't even make it through a day at work without having a panic attack. And I've added the new complication of seizures to my repertoire of issues, so there's that as well. But I've been stable for a while and my seizures aren't all that frequent. I can tell my employer to be on the watch for my seizures but I'm still fit to return to work.

So now I have to go see my therapist to get some paperwork filled out so I can go back to work. I need to talk to my med doctor to get something to help with anxiety. And I need to talk to my general practitioner about adjusting my anti seizure meds. All of these things have to happen before I can go back to work. I have two of the three appointments this week. I haven't talked to my general practitioner yet but I intend to within the next week.

This is going to mean my writing is going to suffer. If I go back to work, I'll be working four 10 hour shifts. Those days I'm probably not going to get much writing done. On my days off though I'll be plowing on ahead with whatever project I'm working on.

I hope you'll all wish me luck as I embark on this new phase of my life. Because I'm going to need all the luck I can get.

Sunday 'fess up - Anni's had an interesting week

Well, this has been an interesting week both in a good way and a bad way.

The good way is I finished my first draft of Marked. I'm already thinking about how to edit it even though I'm going to leave it to sit for a month or two. I've read a few articles which make me realize what my story is missing. So I've made some notes and in a month or two I'll make those changes.

I've also got a couple of my short stories out for people to look over to see what they think. I'm going to shop those around in the near future to see if I can perhaps sell one or the other. I'm hoping to get something for them so I can at least say I've made a start at getting published.

Onto the bad. I found out that one of my student loan holders is taking $50 off my disability to pay for defaulted student loans. Now that may not seem like a lot, but when you're living on $801 a month, that money is vitally needed. So now we're looking for places to cut costs.

Well that's it for this week. I'm not very talkative today. We'll see what we can figure out for next week. Here's some music videos for your enjoyment.

Thursday Thoughts - Inequality of Women

I'm a woman. Did you know that admitting that (physical attributes aside) means I'm a second class citizen compared to men? I didn't either, until I started studying and learning things that the men in my life didn't want me to learn.

This epiphany came about years ago, when I was in college and studying to get my degree. I was originally going to study Business but I was "encouraged" by my counselor to study education instead. "Business is a man's world. Women belong teaching children, not running a board room." That was what I was told. And like a good little sheep I believed it.

Then I noticed that there were women studying Business. That they were more than happy to take the classes. So I made friends with one of these women and asked her what made her decide to study Business. Her response? "Because one day I'm going to open my own business and be my own boss, and I need to know how."

This was back in the mid 90's. Back then, it was rare to find anyone willing to give a female entrepreneur money to do anything. Most of the grants and loans went to men. That thankfully has changed, but still the gender inequality is there. Just as it lurks in the mainstream workplace as well. In fact, it's more prevalent in the mainstream workplace.

Women still get paid less than men. In one study done by the Institute for Women's Policy Research, it was found that in 2011 women made .77 to every dollar that men made. Now I don't know what the current figures are but I strongly doubt they've changed much in the last two years. It's a simple fact that even though more and more women have become the primary breadwinners in the family, they are still getting significantly less then men in the same positions.

Did you know that there are a lot of religions out there that emphasize the subjugation of women? Mormon, Catholic, most of the mainstream Christian faiths in fact, along with Muslims (though I will admit the Muslims are more extreme) try to force women into subservient roles in the family. Women are supposed to obey their husbands, take care of the home, and give birth to children to continue the cycle. I am appalled by this continued enforcement of patriarchy in our homes. Our society has moved beyond that. Women are free, independent, thinking beings who have recognized that we are such and for the most part are no longer willing to be subjugated by husbands and fathers. We need to encourage this, not try to enforce an antiquated notion of patriarchy that should have gone out of style in the 50's.

Look at every major religion and business in the world. How many women are in positions of power compared to men? There are far fewer women in those positions. The world is still a male dominated society. Something needs to change.

I'm not saying that there are jobs out there that women aren't as suited for as men. On the contrary, there are jobs where men are better at it than women. Just as there are jobs where women are better at it than men. What I'm saying is men and women deserve equal treatment and equal pay for the equal work that they do. A fair and equitable wage for everyone should be the norm, not based on gender stereotypes and racial profiling.

Monday Maundering - Random thoughts

I thought I'd treat you all to an example of my stream of consciousness thoughts, but really, I don't think anyone wants to spend time in my head. My thoughts tend to run chaotically and in all directions so I'm not sure where that would take us.

What is it about money? I mean, I understand that everything in this world has a price. We just have to find it and pay it. But really, why can't we trade skills and goods for other things instead of using money? Like Himself. He's pretty handy with a computer. He could trade computer maintenance for food. Or building a web site for gas. Then again, people wouldn't be able to agree on the value of the goods or services they were trading so I suppose money is a necessary evil.

Then there's this. According to the update, they're finally allowing women their pads and tampons back. But really, they're afraid women are going to throw their sanitary products at people? When guns are allowed in, which I would think would be the more dangerous option? I always knew Texas had issues but this is just ridiculous. Then again, a lot of things happening in Texas are pretty ridiculous these days.

A lot of things happening everywhere are pretty ridiculous these days. The ongoing war against women has got to stop. It's getting so being female is a crime. To paraphrase a quote from one of my favorite movies: "They're in our homes and in our heads. They tell us what to do, what to think, what to say. They're meddlesome, and they haven't the right." The government needs to back off and leave us alone.

Then there's what happened in Florida. How could they let Zimmerman off without having him pay a price for killing Trayvon Martin? He disobeyed the cops. He stalked the boy. He shot him and killed him with no provocation. Yes, he said he was defending himself. Yes, it's possible Trayvon was fighting him. But what if Trayvon was the one in fear for his life and he was defending himself? Did no one stop to consider that? Obviously not. And then there's the poor woman who got 20 years for firing a gun at her abusive husband. There are mitigating circumstances in that case as well, but she didn't hurt anyone. She was skilled with a gun. She knew what she was doing. She doesn't deserve 20 years in prison for defending herself.

I could ramble on about various things but I think that's enough for today.

General life update & ROW 80 update

I bet y'all have missed me, haven't you? *grin*

Things are a little tight these days since I'm out of work on the leave of absence. But we're making things work. My dad loaned us some money that we'll be paying back as soon as we can, though it's going to be a while. But between that and the limited amount of funds I got for my short term disability, we're scraping by.

I've gotten my outline for NaNoWriMo finished. This is a new thing for me since I've always been a pantser. I've even categorically stated I'll never use outlines. Well, I'm eating my own words. I'm going to try my hand at writing with an outline this year. If it works, I might actually win this year. I'd like to break my losing streak from the last three years.

I've gotten most of the histories written. I'll revisit them all before November because some of the things that show up in the histories get touched on briefly in the novel I'm planning on working with for November. It's the first story in the series. I'm not sure how many books are going to be in the series, how many books I'm going to break the outline into, and all that good stuff...but I'm going to get it written.

I go back to work on November 1st, supposedly. Not sure yet if that's going to be the precise date or not but that's the general timeframe I've been given. I'm not looking forward to it but I'm making sure I don't overstress myself too much.

Now, for those of you who weren't aware, I'm participating in ROW 80 as a way to hold accountability for my goals. If you're curious, follow the #ROW80 hashtag on Twitter or follow the link that should be set up in my sidebar. I think I did it right.

So, quick update on the ROW 80 goal posts:

WRITING: I finished Jaelon's story. I still need to do some more work on Taereah's, but I've gotten it started.

JOB: I had to put a stop to my job hunting while out on a leave of absence. Funnily enough, my current employer sort of frowns on that while I'm out on their dime. *shrug* I'm still going to the voc rehab on the 15th and we'll see what they say.

PERSONAL: Exercise is going well. I'm at least stretching every other day, and I've been out on walks twice in the last week. Still good on the meds. No missed doses so far this week either. I'm meeting with my counselor on Friday. I did call today to find out about meeting with the doctor and about the FMLA paperwork that I need to get paid for being on my LOA. They're going to call me back with that info. I've spent time away from the computer, though I've used it for background noise. I'm reading Warrior by Marie Brennan. It's a book I picked up at Hastings used (along with its sequel) for $3/book when I got out of the hospital so I'm trying to read them. So far, so good.