Thursday Thoughts - Lifestyle choices

I was talking to Joelle the other day and she was feeling a little frustrated. She is a lifestyle submissive in a BDSM relationship. She shared with me a post she and another kinkster friend of hers (Desmond Ravenstone) wrote in response to someone's rather nasty comment about BDSM being the same as domestic violence. All three of us are members of the Unitarian Universalist church, which is mentioned here in their response.

 Have you ever spoken to someone for whom being a member of the BDSM community is an integral part of their identity? Personally, I can tell you that is not a game to me. I live very consensually in a power exchange relationship. I think about, write about, talk about my life as a lifestyle submissive constantly. It offends me that I feel unwelcome to discuss the most important relationship in my life in many UU circles. 

The real dichotomy here is around the insistence that sex ought to be private. Privacy is something determined by the individual, but you seem to be insisting that, for certain people, it ought to be imposed upon from the outside. Heterosexuals have the privilege of saying who they are dating and married to, how they refer to them, and if they are single whether they attend singles events or go to singles bars. Gays, lesbians and bisexuals are just beginning to enjoy this same privilege. But kinky people? Not quite. Somehow just saying you’re kinky, or that you know anything about kink, is too often equated with disclosing every possible detail of one’s sex life, just as coming out GLB frequently led to accusations of “flaunting”.

As for BDSM being violence or “simulated violence” … There’s not enough space for me to go into any details about technique and psychology, but comparing what we do to domestic or sexual violence is like comparing aikido to a barroom brawl. What we do is highly controlled, and done for mutual pleasure, whereas violence is hardly controlled and done to destroy. Even so-called “humiliation play” is done within very specific limits proscribed by the submissive/bottom partner.

If BDSM, kink and/or fetish sexuality is not for you, then fine – go about your life, just as we wish to go about ours. But when kinksters can be maliciously outed, slandered, discriminated against and denied pastoral care and spiritual community for our consensual approach to love and mutual pleasure, please don’t pretend that WE are the ones who violate rules about privacy or who victimize others.

Both Desmond and Joelle are part of Leather and Grace, a group that works within the UU community. They're best described in their own words. Check out their website for more information.

We are a network of fellowship for Unitarian Universalists involved in BDSM, kink and fetish sexuality.

We gather in mutual support, affirming our inherent worth and dignity, and encouraging one another in spiritual growth.

We gather to promote further understanding among all Unitarian Universalists of the diverse forms of adult consensual sexual expression, and the spirit of love and pleasure embodied within.

We gather to share the good news of Unitarian Universalism among all sexual minorities seeking justice, healing and joy.

 Why am I posting this? Because I believe that everyone, no matter who they are, has a right to make the lifestyle choices that fit their lives. Do I advocate violence against men and women? No. But BDSM isn't about violence. It's about an exchange of power. Yes, there are some physical manipulations that happen in BDSM, but it's all consensual and certain limits are imposed at the request of the submissive/bottom. Books like Fifty Shades of Grey give a horrible representation of what a BDSM/Domestic Discipline lifestyle is like. If you want to know more about BDSM, talk to someone who lives it. You can also read Joelle's blog (WARNING: her blog is not for the faint of heart or for those under 18) for some education on BDSM and some snippets from some of her stories, as she is a BDSM erotic romance writer.

Be open minded. Don't judge just because you don't understand. Educate yourself. People recoiled from the LGBTQI community in the beginning but now we're becoming more accepting of them. Let's grant that same respect and open minded inclusion of kinksters and fetishists. After all, to them, their lifestyle is part of who they are.

Thursday Thoughts - How paths can change

You all know how excited I was to return to the evil day job. I've been trying for weeks to get in and get my paperwork signed. I got it signed and submitted and was finally allowed to return to work. I started work last Friday.

Now here it is Thursday and I'm making my preparations to quit my day job permanently.

I won't go into the gruesome details. No one needs that. But my health issues have made it abundantly clear in the last week that I can't return to work. My goal of getting back to work so I'd have insurance again is going to have to be put on the back burner as I struggle with my personal health issues. I may or may not go back to work in the future. I don't know. It's a toss up, depending on how my issues resolve themselves over the next few months.

I was so excited. I was ready to go back to work. This staying at home thing wasn't for me. I was looking forward to seeing old friends again and making new ones. I even wanted to see my manager again. She's a tough lady but fair, and I loved working with her. She was glad to see I was feeling well enough to come back to work. We've been making plans to get me onto a new schedule and onto the new contract. Everything was coming together.

And now I have to give it all up.

That hurts a lot. I've been looking forward to this for a while now and now I have to give it up. The question is what else can I do with my life? I can of course go back to writing full time. And I plan on doing that. I have some short stories I'm going to self publish as soon as I get them cleaned up. I haven't touched them for a few years and they're in dire need of polishing, given all that I've learned in the past few years. I'm going to edit Marked and write Cracked World, Burning Dreams, Shifting Sands, and the as yet unnamed last book in that series. I've got other books set in this world that I want to write, as well as other novels waiting to be written. I'm going to push forward with being a full time writer.

But where does that leave me? Abandoning a life I've lived for the past 20 years, and not sure of what my future will bring me. I have no idea if my writing is going to be successful. I have no idea if I'm even going to manage to be published. I know how to work in a call center. I know how to work in an office. Yes, I know how to write. But I'm not sure I know how to write well enough to be published. I'm not sure if anyone will like my stories well enough to see me get published. I just don't know anymore.

But that uncertainty can do one of two things. It can bog me down, drag me into depression, and leave me to splutter and die on the edge of my own life. Or it can drive me to learn, to study, to become better and maybe achieve that elusive dream of being published. I know which path I want to take. Now it's up to me to take it.

Thursday Thoughts - Video games and writers

I know this is going to sound odd, but I believe that writers should play video games. I don't mean just any video games either. Play the ones with stories behind them. Learn how the stories are told. It's a great way to see storytelling through a different medium.

Now, I'll admit my video game of choice doesn't have a specific story behind it. Instead it inspires me to write my own stories as I play. That would be Sims 3. I hope one day to have Sims Medieval because that fits better with the type of stories I normally write but I have fun playing Sims 3 because I get to make characters and decide what they do with their lives.

Sometimes the Sims do what they want to do instead of waiting for me to tell them to do something. Sometimes it's funny, sometimes it's annoying, sometimes it's necessary. But that's how characters are when it comes to writing stories too. There are days where my characters don't do what I want them to do because as far as they're concerned it doesn't fit with the story. They're usually right, and I write them the way they want to be written. There are those times however where I refuse to budge on my vision and they grudgingly fall in line with what I'm writing.

I'm not suggesting you spend all your free time playing video games. Then you wouldn't get any writing done and then what would be the point of being a writer? Take an hour or two a day, or a week, or however you want to do it. Find a video game that draws your attention and looks like it has a fascinating story. Sit down and play that video game. Get to know the characters, the story, and the mechanics behind the game.

Who knows? You might find a story idea or a way out of writer's block if you're suffering from that.

Thursday Thoughts - Public assistance

I hate being on public assistance. It's one of the reasons I'm going back to work. I've tried it. It doesn't sit well with me. I feel humiliated every time I pull out my SNAP card to buy my groceries. It's been necessary to survive while I've been out of work on disability and Himself hasn't been able to bring in much in the way of money. But it's still embarrassing.

I've paid into the system for most of my adult life, so it's no surprise that when I absolutely needed it I took advantage of it. But there are so many people out there in worse shape than I am who are on it who would also like to get off of it. There are those stereotypical people who work the system and stay on welfare all their lives. That's going to happen with any such system. But the vast majority of the people on public assistance don't want to be there. They want to be able to afford food and medical care on their own.

The other problem is there are too many people who are working who need public assistance but because they make "too much money" they can't get it. People are having to choose what bills to pay and what bills to put off just to put food on the table. The working poor can't afford food or medical care, and yet the government says they're not poor enough to need help. Yet they are.

There are people who need public assistance who can't get it. And there are people on public assistance who shouldn't be on it but are because they know how to work the system. How is this fair? We need to overhaul the public assistance. I don't believe we should do away with it. I've needed it and been grateful, if embarrassed, to have it. But we need to make it a fairer distribution of goods and services, so more people can be helped who need it and those that are abusing the system can be removed.

One of the first things I'd like to see implemented is drug testing for those who apply for public assistance. That way those who abuse drugs are taken off the system. I think the authorities should be alerted to their positive drug tests so the proper people can get involved to help the families. I don't necessarily think they should go to jail, but concentrated help to get them off of the drugs and back into being productive members of society should be implemented.

I think if there are children in the house, the limits for food and medical assistance should be different than if it's just adults in the house. I think the bar should be set lower for families with children, though I think it should be lowered for adults too. Just not quite as far.

I'd like to see programs like Medicaid made available to everyone, not just families with children and disabled adults. I'd also like the limit to be different because even now there are people with disabilities who are on permanent disability who "make too much" to get on Medicaid. Even if it's only by a few dollars, they can't get the help they need. And to get on Medicare for them takes two years unless they're in their mid 60's.

Get the help out there for people who truly need it, and get those people who are abusing the system off of it. That's my opinion on public assistance. I'd love to hear yours.

Thursday Thoughts - The importance of reading to an author

Authors write books. That's pretty obvious. What isn't so obvious is that we writers should also be reading books. Not just books in our genre, but books outside our area of expertise. Anything and everything we can get our hands on we should be reading.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm a picky reader. I tend to stick to my genres, even going so far as to stick mostly to fantasy since that's what I write. I have a hard time picking up anything else because I don't like taking risks. But I've started reading a friend's BDSM erotica series (and it's awesome...her first book is already out and I'm the beta reader for all of the rest of them). I've read a few non-fiction books lately too. I'm listening to an audio book I got through Audible that's science fiction from one of my favorite authors.

But I'm also trying to work my way through the Song of Ice and Fire series. I've reread a bunch of Tamora Pierce's books. I'm reading a bunch of free fantasy books I've downloaded from Amazon.

I've also gotten a couple of paranormal/urban fantasy books from a friend. I'm reading those. I'm rereading 1662 and 1663, which I suppose are science fantasy because what happens to them is explained using science but it's still fantasy to me.

I'm not saying that we should go out and buy every book on the shelf. I'm just saying if you're a writer, you need to broaden your horizons. I know I do. I need to be more open to other books and other genres. Every book you read is a learning experience. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry, or encyclopedia. Open your eyes and your mind and read.

Thursday Thoughts - Returning to work

I had originally not planned on doing this. I was going to stay on disability and write full time. But as the months have passed that I've been on disability, I realized that I felt like I was losing a little bit of myself every day. I've spent the better part of the last 20 years working outside the home. I've had some bouts of unemployment, and some of that I was working temp agencies. But I've been working outside the home most of my adult life. It felt like I had lost a portion of my identity.

So I've decided to go back to my old job.

I've still got a job there until September 10th, and I plan on going back before that cut off date. I have a vision of finally being able to afford life to the point I can get off public assistance. Where I can afford to pay all my bills and not worry about where the money is going to be coming from. I'm not worried about buying luxuries or toys or things like that. Right now, I just want enough to pay for the things I need and maybe a little extra to put towards getting into our own place.

I don't like my old job. But I can do it. And the pay and benefits aren't bad. It's something I know how to do and can do fairly well. I'll get to see some old friends I haven't seen in almost a year. I should be back under my old manager, who as far as I know liked me well enough.

Am I scared? Very much so. I stopped working because my mental illness was so far out of control that I couldn't even make it through a day at work without having a panic attack. And I've added the new complication of seizures to my repertoire of issues, so there's that as well. But I've been stable for a while and my seizures aren't all that frequent. I can tell my employer to be on the watch for my seizures but I'm still fit to return to work.

So now I have to go see my therapist to get some paperwork filled out so I can go back to work. I need to talk to my med doctor to get something to help with anxiety. And I need to talk to my general practitioner about adjusting my anti seizure meds. All of these things have to happen before I can go back to work. I have two of the three appointments this week. I haven't talked to my general practitioner yet but I intend to within the next week.

This is going to mean my writing is going to suffer. If I go back to work, I'll be working four 10 hour shifts. Those days I'm probably not going to get much writing done. On my days off though I'll be plowing on ahead with whatever project I'm working on.

I hope you'll all wish me luck as I embark on this new phase of my life. Because I'm going to need all the luck I can get.

Thursday Thoughts - Rudeness - accidental or deliberate

Monday's post made me realize just how rude a person I can be. If someone calls me to talk business (usually bill collectors) I cut them off and don't let them finish talking. I won't make eye contact with cashiers. I don't answer them when they say hi to me. I brush off their questions or don't respond with more than a noncommittal sound. All of those things are actually quite rude, and I'm rather ashamed to admit I'm doing them.

How many of us do these things without thinking about it? How many of us go through out day without taking a moment to think of those around us? We may try to, but how many of us actually manage it all the time? I'm willing to bet not a single person on this planet can do that. Everyone has their off moments, no matter who they are.

What can we do to prevent ourselves from having these moments as often as we may have them? For starters, pay attention. You're not going to get anywhere with your focus solely on your cell phone or your iPod. You need to acknowledge that there is a world going on around you and interact with it, no matter how difficult that may be for you. (It is very difficult for me with my social anxiety, which is why I'm inadvertently rude to a lot of people.)

Speak to them as if they are people, not automatons. Treat them as you'd like to be treated were you in their place. You wouldn't want someone to come in, bark orders at you, and then ignore you the rest of the time. Or you wouldn't want someone running into you and screaming at you that it's your fault for being in their way. Yes, I've seen both of these happen. I've had them happen to me. I've done them to other people. It's not a pleasant realization but it's one I've had to come to.

We are a society enveloped in a world of insta-gratification. Instant coffee, computers moving quickly to get us what we need, ATMs to get our money, text messaging and phone calls for instant access to our peers. We need to slow down and remember there are other people in this world than just us and they need the same respect and courtesy that we would demand for ourselves.

So get off your cell phones, unplug your ears, slow down, and think about the people you're interacting with. The more courteous you are, the better you make their day. Isn't it worth it to make someone smile?

Thursday Thoughts - Inequality of Women

I'm a woman. Did you know that admitting that (physical attributes aside) means I'm a second class citizen compared to men? I didn't either, until I started studying and learning things that the men in my life didn't want me to learn.

This epiphany came about years ago, when I was in college and studying to get my degree. I was originally going to study Business but I was "encouraged" by my counselor to study education instead. "Business is a man's world. Women belong teaching children, not running a board room." That was what I was told. And like a good little sheep I believed it.

Then I noticed that there were women studying Business. That they were more than happy to take the classes. So I made friends with one of these women and asked her what made her decide to study Business. Her response? "Because one day I'm going to open my own business and be my own boss, and I need to know how."

This was back in the mid 90's. Back then, it was rare to find anyone willing to give a female entrepreneur money to do anything. Most of the grants and loans went to men. That thankfully has changed, but still the gender inequality is there. Just as it lurks in the mainstream workplace as well. In fact, it's more prevalent in the mainstream workplace.

Women still get paid less than men. In one study done by the Institute for Women's Policy Research, it was found that in 2011 women made .77 to every dollar that men made. Now I don't know what the current figures are but I strongly doubt they've changed much in the last two years. It's a simple fact that even though more and more women have become the primary breadwinners in the family, they are still getting significantly less then men in the same positions.

Did you know that there are a lot of religions out there that emphasize the subjugation of women? Mormon, Catholic, most of the mainstream Christian faiths in fact, along with Muslims (though I will admit the Muslims are more extreme) try to force women into subservient roles in the family. Women are supposed to obey their husbands, take care of the home, and give birth to children to continue the cycle. I am appalled by this continued enforcement of patriarchy in our homes. Our society has moved beyond that. Women are free, independent, thinking beings who have recognized that we are such and for the most part are no longer willing to be subjugated by husbands and fathers. We need to encourage this, not try to enforce an antiquated notion of patriarchy that should have gone out of style in the 50's.

Look at every major religion and business in the world. How many women are in positions of power compared to men? There are far fewer women in those positions. The world is still a male dominated society. Something needs to change.

I'm not saying that there are jobs out there that women aren't as suited for as men. On the contrary, there are jobs where men are better at it than women. Just as there are jobs where women are better at it than men. What I'm saying is men and women deserve equal treatment and equal pay for the equal work that they do. A fair and equitable wage for everyone should be the norm, not based on gender stereotypes and racial profiling.

Thursday Thoughts - Religion

I know this is a touchy subject for some, but I wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't post some of my thoughts on religion. This is my soapbox so feel free to disagree with me. Do not try and preach at me, however. You will be ignored.

Let me start out by saying that I started out my life in one of the Christian religions. To be precise, the LDS faith. I was weaned on the stories from the Book of Mormon. I was taught church history and how our view of the world was the "one true way". I grew up believing it. Then a defining event happened that made me realize just how corrupt the LDS church really was. I was excommunicated at 21 for having a girlfriend. I haven't looked back.

I've attended a few other purely Christian denominational services. I've come to realize that I do NOT believe in the Christian concept of god as based on the bible. Everyone is taught that god is a good and loving god, that he is merciful and kind. He's nothing of the sort. He's a vengeful, jealous, murderous bastard. Just read the bible and you see that.

I neither believe in heaven or hell in the common concept of those. I believe that our lives can be heaven or hell here on Earth, depending on how we live and what we do with those lives.There are things that are bad in this world, things I would class as purely evil, but people have that freedom of choice. We may not like the choices some people make. We're not required to. But everyone has free will and has the right to exercise that will. They just have to be ready to face the consequences of their actions. Their punishment will come at the hands of other people, not some faceless god.

Now, interestingly enough, I believe that Jesus existed. Not that he was the son of god, but that he was a wise and gentle teacher who taught such radical thinking that the high priests had to get rid of him before he screwed up their gig. I believe he was crucified for his beliefs. That was a common enough occurrence in those days. I don't believe he came back from the dead. I also believe his teachings stuck around and that's where we get the early vestiges of the Christian faith.

What do I believe in? Well, that's a good question.

I believe that a person's spirituality is largely a matter of personal study and experiences. I believe that everyone has a choice in their lives. I believe that everyone should be allowed to face the consequences of their choices. I believe that suffering in some way is inevitable, but how we deal with that pain is entirely up to us. We can let it destroy us or we can let it make us stronger. I believe that when we die we don't go to a predetermined place of rest. I believe our energy is recycled into this world and goes on in one form or another.

Thursday Thoughts - War

How many wars have we fought in? As a nation, we have fought in twelve wars. That's twelve wars in 237 years. We're still trying to get out of Afghanistan, which is just the latest in a long string of conflicts that the United States has gotten involved in. Over a million people have died fighting for our country.

In the Revolutionary War, a rough estimate of deaths is 25,000. That may not seem like a lot, but to the population of the states at that time, that was huge. We lost 625,000 soldiers during the Civil War. That was the war with the highest casualty rate out of all of the conflicts we've been in.

What am I trying to get at here? As we all go out and celebrate the 4th of July in our own way here in America, let's take a moment to thank all of the men and women who've died to protect this country and our independence. Let's take a moment to spare a thought for all of those who still defend our country to this day.

And let's remember to be grateful to all of them, for our freedom.

Thursday Thoughts - Depression

I want to talk to you today about something that plagues a lot of people's lives, and makes it so they can't live their lives well: depression.

True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer. It can make it so you don't want to get out of bed, you don't want to see family or friends, you don't want to eat, you either want to sleep all the time or you can't sleep at all. There are so many signs and symptoms of depression that it's hard to pinpoint them all.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:

*Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
*Fatigue and decreased energy
*Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
*Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
*Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
*Irritability, restlessness
*Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
*Overeating or appetite loss
*Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
*Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
*Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I suffer from depression. I have days where I just want to crawl into a hole and not come out ever again. I lose interest in everything - my writing, my husband, my cat, my life. I snap at Himself when he tries to get me to come out of it. I feel like nothing in life will ever be right again. This can go on for hours, days, or as the definition suggests, weeks.

I am on medication to curb my depressive episodes and it works for the most part. But depression isn't something I can simply "get over". It's in my head, yes, but it's not "all in my head" in the sense that I can just push it away as if it were nothing.

I've contemplated suicide three times in the past few years. All three times I had a plan and I was just waiting to put it into action. Thankfully Himself, my friends, and my therapist all caught me before I could go through with it and got me the help I needed. Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon in people who suffer from depression.

According to Web MD, an estimated 19 million American adults suffer from major depression. That's 19 million people who have their lives interrupted by something they can't consciously control. That's 19 million people who may at one point or another contemplate ending their lives because they can't handle it anymore. That's 19 million people who need love and support, not condemnation.

I have faced a lot of ridicule and discrimination because of my mental illness. People don't believe that I have problems. They think it's something I can control. I can to a certain extent, with proper medication and other treatments. But it's always there and sometimes even the medication isn't enough to fight it off. On those days I curl up, I hide from the world, and I sleep. I sleep a lot. I don't eat unless Himself forces me to eat and I won't get out of bed unless Himself forces me out of bed. Those are the days I need love and support the most, and I get it from my husband.

If you have a friend or loved one who is suffering from any kind of mental illness, remember that it's not something they can consciously control. Offer them love and support. Don't turn away from them. Educate yourself on their mental illness so you can understand what's going on. If you suffer from a mental illness yourself, educate yourself on what to expect. Learn all you can about it.

Thursday Thoughts - Gratitude

I realized, as I sat down to write this, that I'm a very selfish person. I think, in a way, we are all selfish. How many of us take things for granted that we shouldn't? I take a lot of things for granted. I just wanted to share some of the things that I am truly grateful for.

I'm grateful for a place to live. I've been homeless, so I know what it's like to not be sure where you're going to sleep. I have two places where I can sleep, eat, shower, and take care of all the other daily things you're supposed to do. I have friends in both places who are willing to share their living space with me. So I am very lucky.

I'm grateful that I have the ability to buy food. I've lived on food banks and little to no money for food. I know how hard that is. I'm on food stamps, but that just means I'm lucky enough that the state understands how poor we are and that we need the additional help to buy food. I'm grateful that I have this program to help me out.

I'm grateful for my husband. I don't know what I'd do without Himself. He's my anchor in this sea of chaos I call life. He encourages me to follow my dreams. He inspires me by following his dreams. He is my life.

I'm grateful for my friends. I don't have that many close friends. I'm not a social person. But I am grateful for the close friends I do have, and even those people I've connected with on Facebook and Twitter that may not be close friends but are friends nonetheless. I'm grateful for their friendship and the companionship of my close friends when I need them.

I'm grateful I have my laptop. My life is tied up online for the most part because I don't have the ability to get out and do a lot. My laptop is the key to that life. I'm grateful I have one that works well enough that I'm able to write and get online. It's not the top of the line but it works for me.

There are so many things in my life that I have to be grateful for. Think of some of the things that you're grateful for and share them with us.

Thursday Thoughts - Disabilities

I've posted a rant about this in the past. Not every disability is visible. I want to reiterate that fact.

I am permanently disabled. I am not on crutches or in a wheel chair. I am not blind nor am I deaf. I have no outward physical signs of a disability. Yet I have seizures and severe depression and anxiety. These things prevent me from leading a normal life, though I try to live as normally as possible. I am a woman with invisible disabilities.

My friend has Degenerative Disc Disorder. Walking for her is painful yet she walks without any additional help. No cane, no walker, no wheelchair. She also has severe depression and anxiety. These things prevent her from leading a normal life, though she tries to live as normally as possible. She is a woman with invisible disabilities.

We are the silent ones. The ones that take the ridicule, the scornful comments, the sneers. We are expected to silently ignore the comments of "You're not disabled." Or "You're just faking. There's nothing wrong with you." Except...we  aren't silent.

Too many people like us are silent because they're ashamed of being disabled. They're afraid of further ridicule if they talk about their disabilities. Yet just because we are not visibly disabled, that doesn't mean our problems are any less severe than those with visible disabilities. Those with visible disabilities are just more noticeable.

We are not faking it. We are not trying to garner sympathy. We don't want your sympathy. We want to be respected as human beings, even though we are not as able as you are. We want to be able to live our lives as best as we can without feeling like we're being judged every time we step outside our doors because people can't see what's wrong with us.

My friend and I, indeed many of us with invisible disabilities, we don't define ourselves by our disabilities. We define ourselves by our thoughts and actions. We just have to accommodate our disabilities in our daily lives so we can minimize their impact on us.

We are human beings. We aren't asking for you to treat us as fragile creatures. We're asking for you to accept we are less than perfect, make allowances for us when it's obvious our disabilities are making our lives difficult, and to deal with us like we are real people and not pariahs from the society of the "normal".

Even if someone is visibly disabled, I would hope that you would afford them the same respect. Accept they are less than perfect, make allowances for them when it's obvious their disabilities are making their lives difficult, and deal with them like they are real people and not the scum of the earth. They are as human as the rest of us, and they know when they are being treated differently.

Thursday Thoughts - Friendship

(Picture courtesy of www.morguefile.com)

Friends. Where would we be without them? They are the ones who laugh with us in the best of times and cry with us in the worst of times. They are there through our good days and our bad, and are willing to forgive us for our bad days. Friends are the family we make for ourselves.

Friendships have evolved and changed over the last few years with the rise of Facebook, Twitter, and other social media sites. Friends no longer have to pick up the phone or meet for coffee. They can hop onto whatever their favorite site is and make a post, either a private message to their friends or a status update to the whole world. This puts you in contact with everyone you've made friends with.

This can lead to problems as not all the friends you make will be interested in your status updates. Maybe they friended you because you play the same game as they do, or because you share a similar interest. They have no real interest in being "friends", they just want to pad their numbers. These people are the ones you need to watch out for. I call them "fairweather friends" - ones who are there only to enjoy the good times.

I've made a few good friends through Facebook and Twitter. Two who come to mind are Joelle Casteel and KD Sarge. I of course have many others that are friends but these two have become my closest friends through social media. I also have friends IRL that I spend time with as well. It's important to balance your online life with your real life, because sometimes you just need that physical shoulder to cry on.

Enjoy your friends, for they are the ones who will put up with your antics because they care about you and not because they have to.