Blogging and me

So, on Saturday night I was looking over my blog. I happened to glance down in the right hand corner where it lists the years and the number of blog posts I've done. FYI, as of August of this year I'm up to 5 years blogging. I was surprised to see that last year I posted the most while this year I've barely posted 30 posts (this week's will take me up to 33). I was curious as to what changed so I looked over some of my 2014 posts.

I came to realize I loved blogging last year, but for some reason this year has sucked that love out of me. I don't think it's the blog itself. I think it's the fact that for a while I was completely lost in who I wasn't rather than thinking about who I am. My depression (the self-induced kind, not the stuff that comes with being bipolar) really got to me. No, I wasn't suicidal or anything like that. I was just in a general funk that has lasted for months.

I realize back in September I talked about lacking energy or a desire to blog. And that's very true. I was discouraged. But I was also in a situation that was stressing me out beyond belief and I just didn't need something else added to the plate. So I stopped writing blog posts.

I can honestly say that I'm glad I'm back to blogging. Don't get me wrong, it's still hard to come up with topics. I'm developing a blogging schedule so I know what to write on each day. Friday is still going to be for fiction. Wednesday is whatever writing stuff I feel like posting. Monday, now Monday is the kicker. I still have no idea what to do for Monday.

I figure once a month I might do a recipe day where I share some of my favorites from the month before. I love sharing my working experiments with all of you, even if I don't get too many people interested in them.

But that's once a month. What about the other 3 (or 4) Mondays in the month? I'm still working on that. Next Monday, I think, will be the recipes. I'll work something out for the rest. If anyone has any suggestions for what I can do on Monday, please let me know. I'm always up for a challenge.

(By the way, if you can't tell, I love parenthesis.)

Oh, and on a more positive note...here's a fuzzy kitten to brighten your Monday.

What does giving up mean to you?

I've long wondered why I keep blogging. Then again, I wonder why I keep writing. I know everyone feels this way about something. Why am I doing this? I'm a hack. I'll never be good enough. I should just quit.

We have to tell ourselves that this is bullshit and keep pushing forward.

There are going to be times where something has to be put to the side and something new started. That's just life. But if we give up without really trying, that's when we fail. It's like learning to swim. If you just stand there and dabble your toes in the water and say you can't swim, you're right. You can't. But you didn't really try. But then you get in the water, you have your lessons, and then either you can swim or you're relegated to staying in the shallow end of the pool because you sink like a rock. If it's that last, you didn't fail. You tried and gave it your best.

Himself is constantly reminding me of this. I have a tendency to give up after not succeeding once instead of trying again. I have a real complex about what I consider failing and look at myself as a failure when I shouldn't. He has to keep telling me as long as I'm trying I'm not a failure.

How many times do we just give up because something seems out of reach without actually trying for it? I know I have several of those missed opportunities littering the path of my life. Even if we don't get what we want, we learn and grow from those experiences. They can help us achieve new goals later on down the line.

I'm wandering a bit here, so I'll go ahead and stop. Tell me your thoughts. Do you believe that not succeeding at something is the same as failure? Or do you believe as Himself does, as he's teaching me to believe, that the only true failure is a failure to try?

Sunday 'fess up...the Monday edition

Hello everyone!

We've had two days of some rather spectacular thunderstorms so I opted to avoid being online last night (and I forgot in lieu of other panic inducing issues Saturday night and Sunday morning).  So we're a day late but here's the SFU anyway.

No soapbox this week, I promise.

My paycheck didn't show up on Friday.  It didn't show up on Saturday.  No mail on Sunday.  We have a lot of bills to pay off of my meager paycheck and they were all running late.  This made us very, very nervous.  Thankfully my check showed up on Monday (today) so we were able to get some of our bills paid.  But we had one major expense come up that's wiped out the money I was expecting to have for food and other random but necessary things.  I've had to ask my dad for help and I NEVER ask him for help anymore because he can't always afford to help me.  We'll get to see on Wednesday how much he can help us.

Yes, my work offers direct deposit.  Yes, I've signed up for it.  I don't need another panic-inducing weekend like this past one.

Nothing new on the work front.  Same old, same old for me.  Himself is still job hunting.  We're hopeful that SOMEONE will eventually realize he's perfect for their company (or at least very good for their company) and will hire him soon.  We have to keep that hope up or we'll drown in our depression.

Writing is going okay.  Still working with getting my critiques done, after my email went and ate the most recent chapters.  ONLY A NAME is on hold until I get the critiques and beta reads done for it.  The Beauty and the Beast retelling is getting darker and more violent, which is what I want, so we'll see how that goes.

I don't really have that much to report this week.  So instead I'll leave you with more music videos.  Enjoy!