I have a confession
to make. I have an eating disorder.
I don't have
anorexia or bulimia, the ones that are the most well known. But I
still have one. It has no obvious name. You can't tell by looking at
me that I have one. I'm overweight, I don't bing and purge, and I
don't count calories.
What I do is simply
not eat. I can eat only a single – reasonable – meal in a day. I
can go without eating at all in a day. And I can go with normal
eating for days/weeks on end before another bout with my eating
disorder rears its ugly head.
Yes, the self
starvation is a daily thing. Some days are better than others. Other
days it takes Himself reminding me constantly to eat to get me to do
anything. I can't always tell I'm hungry because I've trained myself
not to recognize being hungry. There are times where I haven't eaten
in hours and I don't feel hungry. Not because I'm not, but because I
have trained by body to ignore the fact that I haven't eaten.
Eating disorders
aren't a joking matter. I've heard some really nasty jokes made about
people with eating disorders. I've also heard some less than helpful
comments made to those of us with eating disorders that are meant to
“help”, but instead cause more problems.
This
is the article that sparked the idea for this post. My eating
disorder doesn't have a name. But I am no less affected by it than
someone with the more recognizable eating disorders.
Part of the
situation, for me at least, is control. If I can't control everything
in my life I have to control something. And eating is something I can
control. It also has to do with self esteem. I'm especially
vulnerable to bouts of not eating when I'm feeling unhappy about my
weight. I feel that if I stop eating I'll lose weight. Intellectually
I know that I'll only lose weight if I eat healthy and exercise more.
But there are times where logic loses out to emotions.
The longest I went
without food was three days. That was when I was a teenager. Someone
noticed and sat with me until I ate a full meal. Then I was watched
to make sure I ate. I still skipped meals when I could. Usually I
could skip breakfast and lunch while I was in school since my parents
never paid attention to breakfast and lunch was easy since no one
else around me cared. I was chunky in high school too, and people
thought I was smart for skipping lunch because of my weight. I'd only
eat dinner because that was the one meal my parents controlled.
Eating
disorders are nothing to consider as a passing phase. They can lead
to a person's death. You need help. If you know someone who has one,
talk to them. Encourage them. Try to give them as much support as you
can. If you can, talk them into getting help. Tell them to talk to
their doctors. Don't tear them down about their appearance. Don't
tell them you wish you were as thin as they were. Don't tell them
they're fat and need to lose weight. Just support them as they come
to a place where they can resolve their issues.
