De-stressing, an admission, and another #ROW80 check in

Let's start with the first admission: I'm horrible at de-stressing. I can stress myself out with ease. But when it comes to unwinding from the stress, I find it difficult to achieve that calm state. I've had to learn fast over the last couple months because there has been literally NOTHING I could do about Met Life being arseholes and dragging their feet about my short term disability. (Yes, it finally came through. That was a huge relief to me too.)

Let's start with the definition of stress. Merriam-Webster online dictionary has an excellent and comprehensive definition of stress here. We're most interested in two of the aspects of this definition: a physical, chemical, or emotional factor that causes bodily or mental tension and may be a factor in disease causation and  a state resulting from a stress; especially : one of bodily or mental tension resulting from factors that tend to alter an existent equilibrium <job-related stress>. 

Stress can be a cause for a lot of short term problems. Tension headaches, back aches, neck aches, body aches in general. It can cause loss of appetite, sleep loss, tension between people. It can also lead to a depressed immune system because of the physical depredations on your body caused by the stress, which opens you up to every sickness out there.

Now, if you're like me, being sick stresses you out too because damn it, you don't have time to be sick. There are books to be written, chores to be done, people to be dealt with. Life has to go on and you don't have the time to deal with being sick on top of it. Yeah, that doesn't help you any either. It just makes the sickness linger longer, I've noticed.

De-stressing is a must in these kinds of situations. I'm not a person who de-stresses easily but I've found that these specific things work best for me. First, shut off all the damn electronics. Yes, even the cell phone. Yes, the laptop/computer/tablet. Everything. Turn out the light. Bury yourself under the covers. Take a nap if you feel like it. But if you don't, spend some time just curled up in the dark. If your mind has a tendency to wander to topics that stress you out in times like these, force your mind away from these thoughts. Make them go to something else. For me, I made it go to one of the books I'm writing. I worked my way through several scenes that way and it helped relax me.

Music. I know it's been said before to listen to music. But you have to pick the right music. Music that increases your heart rate is not going to help you de-stress. Pick music - or some kind of nature sound if that's what you prefer - that is going to lower your heart rate and soothe you. I recommend Ed Van Fleet's "Oceans". It combines the sound of the ocean with gentle music. It's very nice and soothing if you like that style of music. While you're listening to it, try not to think of anything. Just focus as hard as you can on the music. It's hard at first. Your brain wants to run through everything that's stressing you out. But don't let it. Focus solely on the music and let your body relax. It'll help.

Tea or hot chocolate. Try for non-caffeinated tea if you can find it. Caffeine does drive up heart rate, which can lead to a higher stress level. I know chocolate has caffeine in it. But the caffeine level isn't as high as it is in say green tea or black tea. Besides. chocolate triggers all those lovely endorphins in your head which lead you to happy places so hot chocolate is beneficial in that way too. Forego the coffee when you're stressed, or go for decaf which has less caffeine in it if you must have coffee. But try for something with as little caffeine as possible.

Finally, find something that makes you happy and do it. Writing can be stressful for us writers, so sometimes we have to put the pen/word processor away and move on to something else. I knit, so when I got really stressed out this past month I dug (and yes, I do mean dug...the stuff was buried in the bottom of my closet again) out my knitting and started knitting a scarf. I need a new scarf anyway and it gave me something to do that kept me busy but helped me relax. I watched movies. I read books. I knitted. I steered clear of being online or writing. And it helped. Sometimes unplugging is a good idea to help with your stress.

These are only the things that work for me. There are so many books, self-help gurus, podcasts, vlogs, blogs, etc. out there on how to do this that I'm sure you'll find a hundred different tips on this. These are just what have worked for me. Please find your own and use them to help you out of stressful situations. If you've got one you'd like to share, please do. I'm always looking for new ideas to try to help with de-stressing.

I'm feeling much better these days. My stress levels dropped significantly when I was able to pay my bills. But by de-stressing I was finally able to start to shake this nasty cold/allergy/thing that's been lingering for the past month and a half. I actually feel better today than I have in weeks and part of it is due to the fact that I'm no longer as stressed as I've been. It really does help. The main thing you need to keep in mind while de-stressing is it isn't going to work all the time. Sometimes you're just not going to be able to shut down the stress receptors. In that case, practice your de-stressing techniques to minimize the stress and try to get past it faster.

ROW 80 update is below. You don't have to read on if you're not interested in that.

A second admission, and this to the ROW 80 crowd...I've missed the last couple check ins. It's had to do with the stress levels in my life being so high I haven't wanted to be online much and I'm sorry. I'll be making the regular check ins from now on.

Writing - NaNo is fast approaching so I'm anxious to get started on that project. That's the novel I want to start that's the first in the series. I decided to start with it for NaNo as a kick in the pants to get it done. Jaelon's story is started but not finished. I've tweaked a few thins in Mkai's story again because I've altered a few details in the world building. Taereah's story got completely deleted because I realized in order to write her story I need to have the outline for CRACKED WORLD written out so I know where she comes in with that story so I can figure out what I want to write with her. I kind of need the same thing for Jaelon's story because both of them tie into CRACKED WORLD and the as of yet unnamed novel series I'm working on starting in November, so I need to have past and present details worked out before I can work on their stories.

Personal - I didn't follow through with vocational rehab. It just didn't feel right, and they told me the best they could do for me was find me a job that paid me $8-$9/hr. I need something $10+ just to survive these days so it wouldn't have worked out. I'm still forgetting my afternoon dose of pills so I've started setting an alarm in my phone. It'll be easier once I start back to work because I'll have an afternoon break and I'll be able to take the pills regularly on that break. I'm mostly just stretching every other day when it comes to exercising. It's not much but at least it's something. I haven't wanted to do much of anything lately because of how crappy I've felt but I've made myself go through the same stretching exercises they taught me in the hospital so I'm doing something.

Work - I've talked with my boss about a few new developments. The big one for me is they're changing our schedules which means I'm losing my shift differential (that's almost $100 per paycheck). There was a shift bid, which I would have missed if not for her, that was due on the 23rd. She emailed me the shift bid and I sent back my preferences. I'm not likely to get what I want since I'm low man on the totem pole because of my stats but we'll have to see. I'll know the first week of November, which is right after I go back, and we won't actually have to make the change to our new shifts until January. They're getting rid of most of the night shifts and putting us all on days. Blech. I like my night shift, thanks. Practicing my anti-panic attack exercises now so I've got them down for when I go back to work.

General life update & ROW 80 update

I bet y'all have missed me, haven't you? *grin*

Things are a little tight these days since I'm out of work on the leave of absence. But we're making things work. My dad loaned us some money that we'll be paying back as soon as we can, though it's going to be a while. But between that and the limited amount of funds I got for my short term disability, we're scraping by.

I've gotten my outline for NaNoWriMo finished. This is a new thing for me since I've always been a pantser. I've even categorically stated I'll never use outlines. Well, I'm eating my own words. I'm going to try my hand at writing with an outline this year. If it works, I might actually win this year. I'd like to break my losing streak from the last three years.

I've gotten most of the histories written. I'll revisit them all before November because some of the things that show up in the histories get touched on briefly in the novel I'm planning on working with for November. It's the first story in the series. I'm not sure how many books are going to be in the series, how many books I'm going to break the outline into, and all that good stuff...but I'm going to get it written.

I go back to work on November 1st, supposedly. Not sure yet if that's going to be the precise date or not but that's the general timeframe I've been given. I'm not looking forward to it but I'm making sure I don't overstress myself too much.

Now, for those of you who weren't aware, I'm participating in ROW 80 as a way to hold accountability for my goals. If you're curious, follow the #ROW80 hashtag on Twitter or follow the link that should be set up in my sidebar. I think I did it right.

So, quick update on the ROW 80 goal posts:

WRITING: I finished Jaelon's story. I still need to do some more work on Taereah's, but I've gotten it started.

JOB: I had to put a stop to my job hunting while out on a leave of absence. Funnily enough, my current employer sort of frowns on that while I'm out on their dime. *shrug* I'm still going to the voc rehab on the 15th and we'll see what they say.

PERSONAL: Exercise is going well. I'm at least stretching every other day, and I've been out on walks twice in the last week. Still good on the meds. No missed doses so far this week either. I'm meeting with my counselor on Friday. I did call today to find out about meeting with the doctor and about the FMLA paperwork that I need to get paid for being on my LOA. They're going to call me back with that info. I've spent time away from the computer, though I've used it for background noise. I'm reading Warrior by Marie Brennan. It's a book I picked up at Hastings used (along with its sequel) for $3/book when I got out of the hospital so I'm trying to read them. So far, so good.

I'm going to have to change one of my goals...weather is getting too cold for walks

This week has been an interesting one. I had to emergency babysit for a friend and ended up not taking an actual walk, though I did borrow her staircase (since I was alone there for 2 hours before the kids showed up) to do 20 minutes of stair stepping. My allergies decided to remind me it's fall so my head is stuffed and my eyes are bugging me. And my writing has taken some leaps and bounds. But all in all it hasn't been a bad week.

Just found a quote that made me think and I thought I'd share.

"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." ~Stephen Hawking

On to the full update:

WRITING: This has been a very productive week for writing. I've finished Aran and Taereah's stories. I took a break from writing for a couple days because of the intense writing binge but I plan on starting Jaelon's story next week. I also have the outline for Raghnall's story (my NaNo novel AND the first book in my series) finished, which is new for me because traditionally I'm a pantser.

JOB: Haven't done much on the job front this week. I've got the appointment with voc rehab on the 15th and I'm holding off on searching for a job until I meet with my counselor there. I'm polishing my resume and making things shine for job hunting. I'm also going to talk to my regular counsel more this coming week on CBT plans to get me ready for going back to work in 3 weeks.

PERSONAL: I'm changing one of my personal goals. Instead of walking for 15 minutes it's going to be exercise for 15 minutes. It's getting too bloody cold for me to be walking, since the cold affects my hip very badly. So I'm going to do some kind of exercise every other day for 15 minutes. I've been able to keep up with this amended goal very well this week with stair climbing on Thursday and some stretches on Saturday. My eyes hurt really bad yesterday because of my allergies so I wasn't on the computer very much. I did get some reading done but again, with my eyes hurting, it was very hard. Mostly I spent yesterday dozing on and off until it was time for us to go over to a friend's house. They made us pizza and cupcakes to celebrate our 10th anniversary (it's on Halloween, but they wanted to feed us earlier in the month) and we played Munchkin. We came home, I couldn't manage the computer, so I went to bed really early last night after taking allergy meds. In regards to my regular meds, I'm spot on this past week. Not a single missed dose. My counselor was on vacation so I won't be seeing her until this upcoming Friday. From there, we'll see how that goes.

That's my exciting week in a nutshell. A lot of reading and writing, some exercise, and allergies. Hope this next week continues to go well for me and for everyone else doing ROW 80.

ROW 80 Round 4 Goals

I know, it's not like I don't have a bunch of stuff already going on in my life right now (being on a LOA from work, health issues, financial issues, roommate issues...the list goes on and on) but I decided to give ROW 80 (#ROW80 on Twitter) a try. I thought, after reading up on what it was, that it looked like a great thing for me. I'm good about setting goals but not so great on following through with them so some accountability might help me out here.

WRITING:

1. Finish Aran's story.
2. Start/finish Jaelon's story.
3. Start/finish Taereah's side story.
(All three of the above are short story/novella "histories" for characters in my novels. I've already finished one last month.)
4. Start on one of the novels.
5. Get ready for NaNoWriMo in November, and reach the 50k goal for the first time in the last few years.

JOB:

1. Get my mind prepared for going back to work Nov 1.
2. Go back to work.
3. Work on my CBT to keep myself sane and stable while I'm at work.
4. Apply for new jobs.
5. Get additional help job hunting from vocational rehab.

PERSONAL:

1. Stay on my meds.
2. Work with my counselor to treat my bipolar and my PTSD more effectively.
3. Walk at least 15 minutes every other day.
4. Read more.
5. Spend time away from the computer.

Writing Wednesday - What are your publishing goals?

I got asked this question by my husband - "What are your goals for publishing your work?  What are you going to do with all that work you're doing?"

My first response was, of course, to get it published.  But he asked me what my goals were.  Where am I going with these stories?  Am I going to e-pub on my own?  Go small press?  Try for a shot with the Big Six?

The answer to those questions is simple: I don't know.  Well, I do know that I'm going to attempt to e-pub my faerie tale retellings once I get them finished.  But for ONLY A NAME and the others?  I haven't quite figured out what I want to do with them yet.  OAN is nowhere near ready for publication anyway, so I've got time to work out what I want from it.

I do want to take a shot at publishing with one of the Big Six.  I mean, it's always been a dream of mine since I started writing to see my name on a book with Tor, Baen, Del Rey, etc.  You know, all of those big name publishing companies whose logos were blazoned on the books we've all read and loved.  I know my chances are very slim in the current market.  But I want to try anyway.

I want an agent.  I need someone to help me through the pitfalls and problems with getting my book out there.  I'd like to know someone else is passionate enough about my work to go to bat for me.  With the heavy competition for agents, and how subjective their opinions are (which is as it should be), I don't know if I'll ever get one.  But I want to try.  So I'm constantly researching agents, practicing query letters, etc. so when I'm ready to actually dive into the pool I'm prepared.

I also want to give the whole self-pub/e-pub thing a shot too.  But not if it's going to cost me a lot of money, seeing how I'm a poor starving artist these days.  It'll take a lot of work but I'm not scared of hard work.  I wouldn't be a writer if I was.  So I'm going to start with my novella length faerie tale retellings and see how well that goes.  I might e-pub a few other things too before I try to get the novels published.

What about you?  What are your publishing goals?  What do you want to do with your stories?  How are you working on those goals?

Writing Wednesday - A Writer's Year in Review

Today is my birthday.  I originally started this post to moan about how another year's gone and I'm not published yet.  I was going to catalog all of the bad things that happened in the past year and go off on how unfair life is.

Then I stopped to think.

I have one complete novel, two almost finished, two complete novellas, four or five short stories completed.  I did that in one year.  I made a bunch of new writing friends on Twitter, Facebook, and my blog.  I've done some things I thought I wouldn't do (submissions mainly) and I've had some interesting results.  Only one unpaid acceptance but one acceptance is still pretty damn good.

There are things I wish I'd done.  I wish I'd had my stories all set up to be published before I turned 34.  I wish I'd been more dedicated to my writing.  I wish I'd gotten short stories published.  But you know what?  While I wish it were better, I can say I am happy with my progress.

Only A Name is on its second round of revisions.  I may even have it finished by my birthday next year.  Cracked World and The Life Dancer are on hold but I've got plans for them.  Birth of the Silver Lady and my Beauty and the Beast rewrite are done and in their first stage edits.  So I've really done quite a bit in a year.

How about you?  How are your projects going?  Any plans for the next year?  What about the rest of this year?

Sunday 'fess up...HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY WEEK

Hello my lovelies!  Boy has Anni had a good week.  Very busy, very stressful, and very LONG - but still good.

I did a lot of overtime this week.  It made for some long days.  I got a couple really good days in the fitness center too.  I'm working on trying to make it in 3 days a week for my regular workout and one class as well.  So 4 days a week in the fitness center.  I haven't consistently managed it yet but I'm trying.

We got our car paid off.  We get to go get the title on Thursday.  This is one less bill for us to pay.  Although we'll have a new car payment soon enough.  We need two cars.

We've also gotten all of our court costs from our nightmare paid off.  All I have left is my traffic fines and my reinstatement fee.  Then I can legally drive again.  YAY!

My biggest news is in regards to my writing.  I FINISHED ROUND 1 REVISIONS ON ONLY A NAME!  It comes it at 348 double spaced pages and 95,677 words.  I am really proud of myself.  Now it's going to sit and gather dust for a few months until it's time for round two of the revisions.

We've got a line on a 3 bed 2 bath trailer that we could possibly get into by the beginning of next month.  This means we'd have an office as well as getting out on our own again.  We've got our fingers crossed on this one.

Going forward, I have some big plans.  I've got a bunch of writing projects I want to play with.  I'm also going to start posting stories on my WordPress blog.  I'll be posting Magic Mondays - high fantasy, mostly my Aleran stuff but some random bits as well - and Freak Fridays - my paranormal and urban fantasy stuff - on WordPress.  Writing Wednesdays and SFU will still be posted here.  On the SFU posts I'll link the posts from earlier in the week on my WordPress blog.  I'll also post them up on Facebook and Twitter.

Vlog is posted as usual.  Added my story links & some video links as well as the vlog this week.  Enjoy!  If you read my stories, please leave me comments so I know someone's actually reading them?  Please?  Thank you!

Deirdre's Legacy
A Murder of Crows
Mama's Angels

Sunday 'fess up...a.k.a Anni's NOT in trouble this week YAY!

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone.  This week has been a lot better in terms of writing.

First, ONLY A NAME has gotten some serious love this week.  I wrote out a torture scene to bring home the kind of conflict that is plaguing Sorcha and her friends.  It's the whole reason why they're homeless and what motivates them to do what they do.  I edited out the prologue because it gives away part of the "big secret".  I adjusted the beginning to once again play up the violence of the world that Sorcha lives in and how it's personally effected her.  I've tightened up a couple scenes at the beginning and now it's flowing a lot better.

Second, while I haven't been tweeting much in the way of positive stuff - though I've gotten a few tweets in there - I am posting a "Happy thought of the day" to my personal Facebook page.  I'm going to try to incorporate that next week into my tweets too, so if you see a hashtag that says #HTOTD that's what it's about.

Third, I'm thinking that I might get ONE of the seasonal pieces written.  And it's not going to be a Christmas story per se, but it will deal with winter and finding hope when you think there is none.  It's also not in Aleran but dealing with one of the characters in one of my UF stories.

Fourth, in order to show that I am following through with my goals I came up with another method for accountability.  I'm going to post once a week (unless reality leaps up and swallows me whole......again) to a WordPress page I set up specifically for my writing.  In fact, I've got a short bit already posted as my first post there.

Chronicles of the Fallen

Fifth, I just wanted to take a minute to say THANK YOU to everyone who's encouraging me, supporting me, and helping me in this.  As I've stated before, this time of year hasn't been a good one for the last few years and all of you are making it better for me.  I really do appreciate it and one of these days, when things are better, I might just surprise you all with some cool and awesome handmade gift or something.  :)

That's it for this weekly update.  Catch you next week for the next episode of "Sunday 'fess up".

December Goals

My husband and I got into a long discussion the other day while both of us were battling our depression.  One of the comments I made is I no longer wished/hoped/dreamed for good things to happen because let's be honest: my life hasn't exactly reflected very many positive things lately.  Everything good that's happened has been unlooked for so daydreaming about the good stuff that can happen has gotten me absolutely nowhere, except even more depressed.

My husband looked at me and said, "So?  Stop daydreaming and start DOING.  Make some goals for yourself."  That's how he's managed to lose weight over the last few months.  He set his goals, set the steps for those goals, and he's actually succeeded.  This has inspired him to set other goals and work towards them.

I am not a goal-driven person.  I'm a "go with the flow" type of person.  However, that hasn't been working out so well for me.  Going with the flow means I'm circling the drain.  And I don't want to completely get flushed by my depression and by how badly life drags me down some (most) days.  So...I've decided to set a few goals.  Mostly to do with my writing, since that's where I've lost the most focus lately.

Now I'm sure you're wondering why I'm mentioning them to you, my dear followers.  (And even if you're not, let me have my delusions. *grin*)  The simple truth is: I'm lazy.  Without someone to keep me in line and demand a report of my activities I'll set my goals and then ignore them and fall down again.  I'm closer to achieving my first goals at work which will lead to me getting OFF the phones the majority of the time and into something more like management (which is what I want).  My manager is forever checking up with me on this, making sure I'm doing what I need to do.

So I'm going to use my blog as a way to account for my actions - along with the usual rants, whines, ecstatic exclamations, social commentary, etc.  I've got some goals I'm setting for December and I will be updating once a week (probably on Saturday or Sunday) with how I'm doing on accomplishing these goals.

So...my list of goals for December are:

1. Finishing the first round of edits on ONLY A NAME.
2. Start & finish the holiday themed short stories I've been meaning to write.
3. Make some progress on CRACKED WORLD, which has also stalled because of my inability to focus on my writing.
4. Find something POSITIVE to tweet/blog about every day instead of focusing on how bad everything is going.  (I probably won't blog about the positive things EVERY day, but I might make a list when I do my Sunday goal check posts.)

So, next Sunday expect to have an update of how I'm doing on these goals.  Also, if you follow me on Twitter, I'll be posting a bit about my goals there too.  So hopefully someone here will keep me honest and be after me to keep up the work on my goals.  After three months of this, I probably won't even need the watchdogging because for humans it takes 3 months for something to become habit.  So if everything goes well, by March I'll have this down as a habit.

Wish me luck!