Let us remember Sophie Lancaster and those like her

One of my favorite songs these days is called “The Others” by Delain. It's a song dedicated to Sophie Lancaster, a young college student beaten to death by a group of teenagers because she and her boyfriend walked through a park dressed in goth clothing since they were part of that subculture in England. Her boyfriend survived with some brain damage. You can find more about her here. Here's the song.

I've ranted about bullying many times on this blog. But this goes beyond bullying. It's a deliberate attack with the intent to cause serious bodily home and death. Two of the teenagers were convicted of murder, sentenced to life in prison with an option to get out in a short period of time. Personally I don't think they should get that consideration. I feel that for the brutality of their crime they deserve to rot in jail for the rest of their lives. But I'm not a judge and I don't know the kind of defense that was brought up for them.

Another thing that disturbed me was no one came to help them until after the teenagers left. There were a number of people in the park who witnessed the brutal attack. I realize that people could be afraid for their lives when they see such a vicious attack. So I can understand their reticence in doing anything. At least someone called the police once the teenagers left and that they came forward and helped the police catch them. It's still a little disturbing to me.

What drives people to hurt others in the name of hatred? How many people have been murdered or committed suicide because of things like this? Too many for me to want to count them.

No one deserves to be treated like this. The taking of another life just because they're different is appalling and horrible. Sophie and her boyfriend were targeted only because of the way they dressed and what they enjoyed being a part of. It isn't fair that Sophie isn't here any longer because of a bunch of evil-minded children who thought murder was a joke.

I know the world isn't fair. You don't have to tell me that. Still, I think more could be done to make it better. Sophie's parents will suffer the pain of losing their daughter the rest of their lives. Sophie's mother has turned her grief into a drive to help people, which is one of the best memorials she could give her daughter.

What do you think of crimes like this? Do you think people who do this should be locked up with no ability to get out of jail? Or do you think that they should be allowed out on parole?

Book reviews, contests, and bullying

My friend Joelle had a contest going on her blog. You download a free e-book that's around 27k and review it and then you're put in a drawing for a free e-book that's around 54k. Sounds like a sweet deal. (Which it is if you are into BDSM.) She's had several downloads of the free e-book, but no new reviews.

This makes me wonder why people don't leave reviews on books. I will, if I finish the book and it's a 3 star rating or above. If it's lower than that, I won't leave one. There are too many authors and readers out there who will attack anyone who leaves a low score and I don't feel like being bullied. If I can't finish the book, I don't feel I have a right to leave a review.

I do believe in supporting authors with a positive review if I can. I know that does tend to skew the numbers a little, but I just feel that unless I have something nice to say it's better not to say anything at all. I'm sure a number of you disagree with me. That's okay. It's more interesting to have different opinions. It's what makes discussions more enjoyable, as long as there's no bullying or name calling.

That's another thing I don't like about book reviews. The fact that people can be bullied for leaving an honest review. It's why I won't review anything on Goodreads anymore. If I feel strongly about a book, I'll review it here on my blog and I'll leave a review on the source of where I get it. Usually Amazon, though I have picked up a few from Smashwords. Those sites have a marginally lower instance of bullying.

Why do people bully others for having different opinions? It's not just book reviews. It's all over the place online. And offline, though it's not as pronounced there. Online you're protected by the anonymity of a computer screen. You can say what you want without repercussions. For the most part, at least. It's harder offline because you're face to face and can be penalized for it.

Bullying doesn't just happen about book reviews. When I was in high school, I was bullied for being awkward, a bookworm, not being pretty enough, being slightly overweight, not being able to keep up with my classmates physically, not being able to keep up with them mentally in some classes and exceeding them in others, etc. I couldn't get away from it. I made friends with similar problems, and we banded together to give each other support. But it wasn't enough and there were times where I considered suicide as a viable option. It didn't help that I wasn't getting any support at home. My parents wouldn't believe me about being bullied because most of it was psychological and emotional bullying, not physical.

We need to stand up to the bullies. We need to offer support and help to the bullied. We need to make sure people know that bullying – online or off – isn't right. People talk about children and teenagers being bullied. They need help and somewhere safe to go where they can feel secure and protected. But it's not just them that are being bullied. Adults get bullied too. I've spent a good portion of my life being bullied until I decided enough was enough and started standing up for myself. It led to more trouble for a while, but it started getting better. That's the message we need to send: stand up for yourself and it will end.

* climbs off soapbox *

Monday Maundering - World Suicide Prevention Day (Warning: Discussion of Suicide)

I was going to talk about the conflict in Syria, but there are so many people who've said what I'm thinking on it better than I ever could so I think I'll avoid that bandwagon. Instead, let me talk to you about something that is even closer to my heart, something I only recently learned about but have been researching like crazy since I found out about it: World Suicide Prevention Day.

WSPD is on September 10th every year. It's a joint effort between the International Association of Suicide Prevention, the World Health Organization, and the World Federation for Mental Health. This is its 11th anniversary. This year's focus is on the stigma of talking about suicide as a barrier. Read the article through the link to better understand this event.

Suicide is not a joke. Nor is it, as I've heard some people say, the process of natural selection. Natural selection implies a predator taking out the weakest or sickest of the population. Suicide is for the most part self-inflicted and can be prevented by people paying attention and offering help where help is needed.

I've been suicidal before. I probably wouldn't be here if not for my family and friends. Four times in my life I've had the method, the means, and the will to do it. My depression, a mental illness that is as devastating in its own way at times as cancer, overwhelmed me and took its toll on my mental stability. My father prevented my first attempt. Himself has prevented two of the three remaining attempts. A friend prevented the third. All because they were paying attention and even if they didn't know the warning signs of suicidal tendencies, they knew something was wrong.

The most important thing I can say about suicide prevention is educate yourself. Learn what the signs of someone considering suicide are. There are some distinct signs that can be overlooked if you're not watching for them. Pay attention to your friends and family. If they're showing signs of depression, try to convince them to seek help. Not everyone is willing to admit they have a problem. I didn't want to accept my diagnosis for several years. It's only been within the last few years that I've accepted it and started looking for ways to control it.

Suicide is the final choice for those of us who feel we have no other reason for life. People who are abused, bullied, or suffer from mental illness are the most likely candidates for attempting to end their lives. We are the forgotten ones, the ones on the edge of society. We are the ones that people look down on, step on, or ignore. We are the ones crying for help that nobody hears. If they do hear, it's generally either too late or they don't pay attention.

Don't turn your back on the bullied. Don't ignore the abused. Don't shy away from the mentally ill. Noticing the problem is the first step in prevention. Step forward when no one else will and provide those who are suffering a lifeline. Sometimes it doesn't work, but sometimes just even a single person caring about them, a single person willing to step forward and show them that they have worth and value, sometimes that's all it takes to save a life.

Intolerance...or why I HATE hatred

I know that seems a bit hypocritical, to say I hate something when this post is mostly about how bad hatred can be.  But the truth of it is that I simply can't stand intolerance.

According to dictionary.com, intolerance means "lack of toleration; unwillingness or refusal to tolerate orrespect contrary opinions or beliefs, persons of differentraces or backgrounds, etc."  This is the textbook example of what my roommate's mother is.


One of my best friends is gay.  She came out to her family several months ago.  They haven't spoken to her since.  Her girlfriend is a young woman who is currently a tattoo apprentice and a practicing Wiccan, and makes her living as a freelance artist on the side.  Elsie* is a college student studying to become a botanist.  Elsie* is loud, obnoxious, opinionated, rude, and sometimes really over the top.  Mary* is very similar to Elsie, though she's a little less aggressive and manages to think before she runs off her mouth.  But both of them have suffered, to some degree, the intolerance of their families.


Mary* has an older brother who is bisexual.  He understands their pain because the one time he hinted at having a boyfriend, Mary's* family threw an absolute fit.  They swore up and down he was going to hell.  When he finally snapped, he told them that the Bible always taught to "hate the sin but love the sinner", and that "no man is without sin".  They threw him out for using their religion against them.


Mary*, Elsie*, and Rick* live together in a two bedroom townhouse.  They've had their cars broken into, windows smashed, hateful graffiti spray painted all over their stuff, and beloved pets mutilated and left for them to find.  All because they've found love with partners of their own gender.


I know Elsie's* younger sister Kelsey*.  Kelsey* is the perfect daughter.  She's obedient, straight, and follows the plans her parents made for her life.  When it comes to her sister's lifestyle choices, she is loud, rude, obnoxious, and unwilling to go outside her narrow views of the world.  I'm bisexual (though happy in my relationship with my husband...we've been together 11 years & married for 8 as of this coming Halloween), opinionated, and greatly dislike discrimination of any sort.  I spoke up once - only ONCE - against her intolerance.  Now she won't talk to me, or if she does she's very rude and condescending.  


I gave up trying to say anything to her.  When she's here at the house - because Kelsey* is a friend of one of my roommates as well - I just come into the bedroom and plug my ears in.  I don't support or tolerate intolerance of any kind and won't be in the same room with her anymore.  I disappear into the world of Aleran or one of my other WIPs - where intolerance is defeated by the sheer stubborn will power.


My friend Dystophil had this to say on the subject


And she's right.  It does get better.  You just have to learn to go your own way and understand you're always going to find people who disagree with you and your beliefs, your gender perception, your choice in partners, etc.  You aren't going to change very many minds.  So learn to walk away, find others who share what you enjoy, and find joy in those few minds you are able to open up to the possibilities.


I've written before about the friend I made, the cashier at Paul's who was a Muslim woman.  I got an email recently from her.  She unbent enough to tell me she was living in Oregon.  She wouldn't tell me what city, or give me any details of her life, other than to say that they were okay and that the girls love their new school.  She's still scared, after over a year, to tell me any details because she's terrified of the kind of violence she faced here.


It breaks my heart to see that she doesn't trust me.  She doesn't trust anyone.  She lives in a Muslim neighborhood in some city in Oregon, where violence and hate crimes go unpunished for the most part because the cops aren't able to catch anyone doing anything wrong.  Her girls go to school as part of a large group of children so no one can catch one of them alone to beat them up or kidnap them.


It frightens me to think she's being forced to live like that.  I know things have gotten better for her.  Her emails aren't as tense, so I think something's being done to help the people in the neighborhood she lives in.  She says that there are some very nice people like me - non-Muslims who don't feel they have to look down on her just because some fanatics who follow the same religion as her decided to become terrorists.


Again, that intolerance issue.  This is why I think people need to sit down, shut up, and open their damned minds.  Especially here in America.  We're one of the most intolerant countries in the world.  We're rated as one of the rudest, and we have one of the higher suicide rates due to emotional distress and bullying.  Look at all the reports about bully-induced suicides that have been going around lately.


An Irish girl who moved to the U.S. kills herself because of bullying
Tyler Clementi was a victim of a vicious practical joke & took his own life
He was only 13...what harm did he do anyone?
Why does being Welsh matter when you're part of the same island chain?
We need stronger laws...but we also need better parenting to prevent bullying from the start
A desperate crush shouldn't end in death

I could go on and on, but each of these stories is just making me sick to my stomach.  It's time we stepped back and took a look at ourselves, our world, and our children.  It's time to be heard.  It's time to Speak Loudly against the kind of pain intolerance causes others.


ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!