My thoughts on bisexuality

On Monday I talked about the transgender community. Today, I want to talk about the B in LGBT – the bisexuals. Like the transgender, the bisexuals are treated poorly by both the straight and the LG community. To our detractors, it's just a “phase”. We don't know what we're talking about. We're just confused.

You notice I used the word 'we'. That's because I'm bisexual. My husband is also bi. This doesn't mean we're unfaithful to each other. We have a very strong monogamous relationship. It also doesn't mean we're more likely to cheat. We've been together for fifteen years, married for thirteen, and this has never been an issue. What we are is attracted to the opposite gender as well as the same gender. We can both appreciate the appeal of both men and women, and neither of us is shy about admitting that we find someone attractive even if they're the same gender we are.

In my life, I've had both a girlfriend and a few boyfriends. I didn't know what being bi meant until I was in my early 20's. I grew up Mormon so even the idea of being gay/lesbian wasn't really brought up. The only reason I knew people of the same gender could love each other was through Mercedes Lackey and the Valdemar books. Lackey has a number of same sex pairings in her books, even going so far as to have a trilogy where the main character is gay. (Seriously, go read the Vanyel books. They're awesome.)

But nothing could have prepared me for my attraction to a woman. I had a few guys I'd been attracted to. I dated a bit. Mormon rules on dating being what they were, I didn't get out much. But I knew the reaction of attraction. Then I met my future girlfriend and everything changed. I couldn't understand it. I wanted to be with her, but everything I knew – as limited as that was – told me it wasn't normal.

I ended up with her for about a year. I was excommunicated from the LDS church. I pretty much left home before I could get kicked out. My mom was really pissed off. I think she would have kicked me out if I'd stayed. My older sister arranged housing for me and my girlfriend. Ultimately we went our separate ways, but I continued to be attracted to both men and women.

Let's talk about some stereotypes that actually hurt the bisexual community. The first one is that bisexuals are overly promiscuous. Just because we have a broader pool of possible romantic liaisons doesn't mean we're after sex all the time. Another part of this stereotype is that we're going to sleep with whoever comes along and/or cheat on our partners. This is also untrue. There are some polyamorous bi people out there, and there are definitely some bi who do like having several partners. But they aren't in the majority of the community.

The second stereotype I'd like to bring up is that bisexual women only do it to turn straight guys on. Or bisexual men do it only to turn on straight women. Yes, there are a few people out there who do that. But honestly, we don't date our own gender to turn someone else on. We do it because we're genuinely attracted to them.

The third stereotype is the fact that we're indecisive or confused. The only thing we're confused about is how people can treat us so poorly in both the gay and the straight communities. We know who we are attracted to, and it doesn't matter to us if they're male or female. We love who we love, and we deserve the same consideration as everyone else in this fact.

The fourth is that bisexuality is a cop-out or a phase. Coming out as bisexual is saying that you're open to relationships with either gender. You're not going to turn people down based on their gender. But it's often seen as the “gateway to being gay/lesbian”. Which in some cases it might be. But to say that for all bisexuals is demeaning and insulting.

The fifth is that nobody is bisexual. This is an example of bi-erasure. People are trying to prove that we don't exist. We do exist, and there are reports proving this. In 2011, San Francisco's Human Rights Commission released a report on bisexual visibility that showed, among other things, that self-identified bisexuals made up the largest single population in the LGBT community in the United States. Now, whether that's true now or not I don't know. But I do know that we do exist and we exist in a large number.

The sixth is that bisexuals can never be happy in a monogamous relationship. Well, I'm proof that we can. My husband and I are perfectly happy with our lives together. Neither of us feels the need to go out and find another partner. Just because a bisexual person is attracted to and partnered with a single person, does not mean that their attraction for the opposite gender is any less real. But it also doesn't mean that someone that's bisexual is going to go out and have multiple partners.

My friend is also bi. She told me of an experience that she had. She went to her local PFLAG and was told by a lesbian speaker that her being bisexual was a phase and when she got older it would pass. My friend figured that the reason the speaker made the comment about it passing when she got older was because of the fact that my friend looks younger than her actual age. She's the same age as me and has identified as bi since she was a teenager.

Being bisexual isn't a phase. It's not a choice. It's not something we do to gain attention or to turn other people on. We are who we are, and we will continue to be who we are. Eventually I hope that we'll get the same considerations as the rest of the LGBT community, and be treated with more respect by both sides of the spectrum.

My thoughts on the transgender community

I do not care for politics. I deal with them since they're a part of every day life in this country. In all countries, actually. But something has been bothering me to the point I feel the need to talk about it. That is the way we look at the LGBT community, most specifically the B and the T part of that acronym.

We're going to start with the T today. For those that aren't aware, the T stands for transgender. The definition of transgender is “noting or relating to a person whose gender identity does not correspond to that person's biological sex assigned at birth.”

I will say this upfront and right away: THIS IS NOT A CHOICE!!!!! This is a part of the person from the day they are born. It is not a chemical imbalance. It is not a psychological abnormality. It is who they are, just as being a gay or lesbian is a part of a person and not a choice.

There are several prominent transgender people in the public spotlight. I'm not going to talk about them specifically right now. I'm going to talk about the large number of men and women who aren't in the spotlight who suffer from abuse, violence, a lack of medical care, and are having to hide their real selves to avoid being killed. Even that isn't always enough protection.

A friend of mine has a sixteen year old trans daughter. She was assigned the male gender at birth, but has been questioning her sexuality a good chunk of her life. It's only been in the last six months that she's felt comfortable enough talking to her mother to express the fact that she is a young woman instead of a young man. My friend embraced her daughter's new identity whole heartedly and is doing what she can to make her transition a little easier.

There has been some talk about starting on hormones, but my friend isn't sure if their family doctor will do it. She's not even sure her doctor will continue seeing her daughter because of the fact that it's hard to find transgender friendly medical professionals, especially in conservative small towns like the one she's in. But she's determined to do what she can to help her daughter make the transition. If all parents could be as accepting as my friend and her husband, things would be a lot better for those who don't fit the gender binary. But they aren't. And many transgender youth and adults have paid the price for that by taking their own lives.

There have been a number of studies done on transgender lives. 41% of the transgender and gender non-conforming population in the US have attempted suicide. Compare that to the 4.6% of the regular population and between 10 and 20% of the lesbian, gay, and bisexual community. Think about that for a moment. A transgender person is almost ten times as likely to attempt suicide as the rest of the straight population. This isn't primarily because of mental illness, as some people like to push. It's because they can't take the bullying, the pain of being ostracized, of being forced to live as something they're not, all in the name of just trying to be who they truly are.

Another problem transgender people face is increased violence and even death at the hands of strangers because of who they are. There have been at least 20 transgender women murdered this year alone. Nine of those investigations have led to murder charges. And this is just from what has been reported. There are a lot of murders that go unreported, or are pushed to the side because the transgender people in question are homeless or have taken to prostitution to survive. None of these people deserve the kind of violence being perpetrated against them, yet they are also powerless to stop it in a society that still despises them for being who they are.

There are agencies that are out there to support the LGBT community. There are some that focus solely on the transgender population. But they aren't enough. There are still a large percentage of transgender men, women, and youth who live on the streets because they have been evicted, kicked out by family, or have lost jobs simply on the basis of being transgender and can no longer afford to support themselves. Homeless shelters often force them to take beds in the areas that support their assigned gender instead of the gender they truly are, which can lead to fear and violence.

When dealing with someone who is transgender, keep these rules in mind. First, if they give their name as something that might not fit what you think you see, use the name they give. My friend's daughter came up with her name a few years ago, and has been using it online. She finally told her mother what she wanted to be called. Her mother is beginning to correct people now who use the wrong name and misgender her daughter.

Second, respect them in using the pronouns they prefer. Some prefer gender specific pronouns (he/she/his/hers). Others prefer gender neutral pronouns (they/them). There are even pronouns in use now (ze/hir) that they might want you to use. If you're not sure, ask. It doesn't hurt to ask, and many will be pleased that you're thinking of their needs.

Third, don't ask invasive questions such as “when are you having surgery” or “what's between your legs?” or “what do you do about sex?” All of those are rude, and you wouldn't ask them of a cisgender person, so don't ask them of a transgender person. It's personal to them and it's not your business.

If you know a transgender person, be supportive. It's hard to be who they are. Even with women like Laverne Cox and Caitlyn Jenner stepping into the light and bringing transgender issues into the mainstream, there is still so much bias and hate towards them that they need people to accept them for who they are.

If you know a transgender person, and are concerned that they might try to self-harm or even commit suicide, share with them the transgender suicide hotline number (US 877-565-8860 and Canada 877-330-6366). Let them know you're there for them. Let them know that there is someone on their side, who loves them unconditionally, and will continue loving them no matter what. Sometimes that one voice is what it will take to keep them from slipping over the edge.

My take on fan fiction

Fan fiction. We've all heard about it. Sometimes spoken of proudly, other times spoken of derisively. Many people believe that the fan fiction world is filled with poorly written tripe penned by angsty teenagers who write yaoi sex and practice self insertion when it comes to “original” characters. The truth is that fan fiction is as varied as original fiction, and can be either well written and entertaining...or badly written and plodding.

I admit it. I've been writing fan fiction for almost 30 years. I started when I was around 8 or 9, using my favorite stories and putting characters – who I will admit were based somewhat on me - into them. I didn't even know it was called fan fiction. To me, it was a way to keep enjoying my favorite stories even after I'd finished the books.

I continued writing stories based on my favorite movies, cartoons, and books on top of writing my own original stories as I passed through childhood and up into my teenage years. I will admit to writing some big Mary Sue's into my fan fic. But I was a very lonely young woman and the friends I made inside my head as I adventured with my favorite characters gave me some sense of society.

The first time I heard the term “fan fiction” was when I was in my early twenties. It was then that I realized what I'd been writing for all those years. I also found out I could put it online if I wanted to. I put a few short things online, but for the most part I kept my fan fic to myself. I shared a few pieces with close friends, but that was it.

In my late teens and early twenties, I also engaged in role playing as a form of fan fiction. My best friend and I created original characters and inserted them into many different worlds. We would spend hours together role playing these characters, and loved every minute of it. Even now, we still have occasional inside jokes based on those years of role playing.

I know several authors – both traditionally and self published – who used fan fiction as a way to stretch their creative muscles. The rules were there for them to work with, but they could act freely within those rules. It gave them a way to warm up and get their creative juices flowing so they could pursue their own original stories with an idea of how things worked.

I still write fan fiction. I call it “fluff”. I have probably a dozen stories started based on my favorite movies, books, and anime. None of them are finished. I strongly doubt any of them will ever be finished. I'm certainly not going to try to publish them anywhere. But sometimes, when my own work isn't going anywhere, I'll skim through the fan fic pieces and see if one catches my eye. I'll put in a page or two and then be ready to start fresh on my own original work.

Teenagers aren't the only ones writing fan fiction either. Adults do it too. Sometimes writers in both age groups can come up with some pretty amazing things. In many cases, the things they write are just as good as the author they're basing their work on.

I don't see fan fiction as necessarily a bad thing, so long as the writer has no intention of selling their fan fiction (that is obviously fan fiction) as their own work. The rule of writing fan fiction really is “don't ask for money for stories set in someone else's universe unless you have that person's permission and a legal contract has been drawn up allowing it.”

I personally find nothing wrong with writing fan fiction, as long as it isn't for financial gain. It's a way of continuing the story when it ends. It's another way for fans to express how much they love a piece of fiction – be it a movie, a TV show, or a book.

Why can't people be charged with a crime for this?

Okay, dusting off the soapbox again. I've found something else to rant about. Be prepared.

How is this acceptable? Not the assault, but the fact that people recorded the incident on their phones but did NOTHING to stop it, to call the cops, or in any way do something to help the victim. All they were interested in was getting it uploaded to social media. (Beware watching the video. It's brutal.)

I wasn't really aware of this other than in passing until Himself actually pulled up an article on it. Apparently the attacker is now in jail in Salem under a $35,000 full cash bond. I can't find the article he was looking at that talks about this. She ended up turning herself in.

Himself made the comment of “I don't want to live on the planet anymore”. Honestly, I can't disagree with him on that point. What the hell are people thinking, watching a young woman get beaten – to death for all they know at the start – and all they do is pull out their camera phones and start recording? How is that even allowable in our society?

Where did the compassion go? I can understand not wanting to get involved in the fight, but surely there were a few strong young men there who could have helped pull her off. Maybe someone could have called the cops instead of leaving the woman to find her own way to get help. What about the danger the woman's two year old was in. I'm so sick to my stomach about this that I don't even know what to say.

I think what happened to the victim was horrendous. I think what the onlookers did was despicable. I can honestly say I wouldn't have gone in to rescue the woman. I'm not that strong and I'm a little afraid of physical violence. But I would have called 911. I wouldn't have stood there with my phone out recording the whole thing. Why do young people – and probably some not so young people – this this is right?

Something else I found in one of the articles I read made the comment that the Salem police were contemplating criminal charges against the onlookers but the subject was dropped by the prosecutors. Why? Aren't they as guilty of a crime as the woman's attacker? I think they'd be accused of being accessories to it because they did nothing to help.

I'm not being very coherent here other than saying “why is this a thing” and “why is this happening”, so I'm going to step off the soapbox now. But seriously, this just pissed me off and made me lose all faith in humanity.

No really. WHY IS SOMETHING LIKE THIS CONSIDERED OKAY?

Childhood

I was on FB yesterday when I saw one of the trending news things. (I hate that trending thing but will occasionally go read something that catches my attention.) I knew that he'd been taken off life support so I was both glad and sad to see that Casey Kasem was dead.

There's a lot about his music and radio career on there but the biggest thing I remember him for is Shaggy in Scooby Doo. I grew up on Scooby Doo, both reruns and the series that came about because of the original series. I had a few reservations about Scrappy Doo, but I still loved the cartoon series.

I loved Scooby Doo. I loved how mysteries could be solved so quickly, and that in most of the series, it was just a person in a costume. It taught me that behind all the evil things there was a person with a reason, even if that reason made no sense or was intended to hurt someone.

Cartoons taught me so many things when I was growing up. How to stand up for myself. How to be honest. How to love. How to be creative. I wasn't allowed to watch too many of them as my TV time was limited, but I picked my favorites and religiously watched them, even if it meant getting up at 6:30 in the morning. Sometimes, when I got up that early, I'd sneak in an extra show or two before my mother got up.

Saturday morning cartoons are a thing of the past now. The networks have taken them off the air for the most part to make way for other programming. So children now don't have the opportunities many of us did when we were growing up. I used to wonder what made them take them off the air. I have a feeling it has to do with the way parenting has changed since I was a child.

I can remember riding in the back of our station wagon, curled up in a nest with my younger sister. When I rode in the back seat, I didn't have to wear a seatbelt. When I was allowed to go outside to play, I didn't have to be back in until my mom called or until it started getting dark, whichever came first. I could ride my bike without a helmet. Strangers weren't regarded in the same way as they are now.

When did society change? What made it change? When did we go from an easy going society to a hyper paranoid one? Children these days aren't allowed to play, to fall down and get hurt, to just be kids. They're taught from the time they're small that they have to be miniature adults. A friend of mine put her son into preschool. She was horrified that her son wasn't given much of a chance to play. He was given worksheets that he had to fill out, books he had to read, homework he had to do. In preschool. She looked around for a new one but couldn't afford the ones that would give him what she wanted. So she pulled him out and turned him loose to play and learn on his own.

We are hurting children by not letting them do art, play at both home and school, discover new things on their own. So many parents regulate everything their children do to the point that children don't learn to think for themselves. Our schools are only reinforcing this by having children learn things to pass tests. It's feared that as adults, they're not going to know how to deal with life. It's going to cause a lot of problems for them.

When did childhood stop being about the children? What do you think about the way things are going now?

Thursday Thoughts - Public assistance

I hate being on public assistance. It's one of the reasons I'm going back to work. I've tried it. It doesn't sit well with me. I feel humiliated every time I pull out my SNAP card to buy my groceries. It's been necessary to survive while I've been out of work on disability and Himself hasn't been able to bring in much in the way of money. But it's still embarrassing.

I've paid into the system for most of my adult life, so it's no surprise that when I absolutely needed it I took advantage of it. But there are so many people out there in worse shape than I am who are on it who would also like to get off of it. There are those stereotypical people who work the system and stay on welfare all their lives. That's going to happen with any such system. But the vast majority of the people on public assistance don't want to be there. They want to be able to afford food and medical care on their own.

The other problem is there are too many people who are working who need public assistance but because they make "too much money" they can't get it. People are having to choose what bills to pay and what bills to put off just to put food on the table. The working poor can't afford food or medical care, and yet the government says they're not poor enough to need help. Yet they are.

There are people who need public assistance who can't get it. And there are people on public assistance who shouldn't be on it but are because they know how to work the system. How is this fair? We need to overhaul the public assistance. I don't believe we should do away with it. I've needed it and been grateful, if embarrassed, to have it. But we need to make it a fairer distribution of goods and services, so more people can be helped who need it and those that are abusing the system can be removed.

One of the first things I'd like to see implemented is drug testing for those who apply for public assistance. That way those who abuse drugs are taken off the system. I think the authorities should be alerted to their positive drug tests so the proper people can get involved to help the families. I don't necessarily think they should go to jail, but concentrated help to get them off of the drugs and back into being productive members of society should be implemented.

I think if there are children in the house, the limits for food and medical assistance should be different than if it's just adults in the house. I think the bar should be set lower for families with children, though I think it should be lowered for adults too. Just not quite as far.

I'd like to see programs like Medicaid made available to everyone, not just families with children and disabled adults. I'd also like the limit to be different because even now there are people with disabilities who are on permanent disability who "make too much" to get on Medicaid. Even if it's only by a few dollars, they can't get the help they need. And to get on Medicare for them takes two years unless they're in their mid 60's.

Get the help out there for people who truly need it, and get those people who are abusing the system off of it. That's my opinion on public assistance. I'd love to hear yours.

Monday Maundering - Another political rant

Himself brought something to my attention this past week that irritated the crap out of me. President Obama made a speech about how the Republicans are focusing on "phony scandals" rather than on the economy like they should. He says he's trying to help the middle class.

The middle class is muddling along as best as it can right now. They aren't as eager to spend and they have to pay higher taxes. So do we all. But the middle class isn't hurting near as bad as those of us who don't fit into the middle class mold. We are the poor, and I say to Mr. Obama...what about us?

Medicaid is supposed to be there to help families in need. Yet I can't get it because I make $58 too much to qualify for it in my state. There are no "free medical programs" to help me. I'm not poor enough (aka homeless and living on the streets) for the medical programs that are set up for indigent people. But I can't afford insurance. What happens in January when there's a fine for those of us who don't purchase insurance. I say, Mr. Obama, how am I supposed to afford insurance when I can barely afford the bills I have now? And you're going to penalize me by fining me because I don't have the money for insurance?

What about those people who are self-employed and don't have insurance because they've got a small income coming in? Why are they going to be penalized and probably forced to give up their businesses to get a corporate job just to satisfy the law in the Affordable Care Act that says people need to purchase insurance or get on Medicaid? Why isn't there a provision in there for the working poor who make too much money to get on Medicaid but too little to afford insurance?

I've heard people say the economy is getting better. Not from where I'm sitting. The unemployment rates are down. Not because people are finding jobs. Unemployment rates are down because people are dropping off unemployment because they've been on it too long or they've given up on finding a job and had their unemployment cut. I'm sure there are those out there who've found jobs but where's the numbers on those that have given up finding work to either go into business for themselves (and aren't making any money yet) and those that have been cut off because they've given up or run out of time on their unemployment? Where's the numbers on those who aren't working but aren't collecting unemployment? I'd like to see that factored in as well into our so called economic uprise. I think we'd be surprised by just how many people there are who aren't collecting unemployment but also aren't making any money.

Where is the economic stimulus for the lower class? Or would it be better if we all quietly faded away into nothingness? But if we did that, who would there be to do the grunt labor, the nastiest of the jobs, the things no one else wants to do? Who would there be to pick up the slack when the middle and upper classes don't want to do things? That's what we do. And that's why it is our class, and not the middle class, that needs more support and help.

Thursday Thoughts - Inequality of Women

I'm a woman. Did you know that admitting that (physical attributes aside) means I'm a second class citizen compared to men? I didn't either, until I started studying and learning things that the men in my life didn't want me to learn.

This epiphany came about years ago, when I was in college and studying to get my degree. I was originally going to study Business but I was "encouraged" by my counselor to study education instead. "Business is a man's world. Women belong teaching children, not running a board room." That was what I was told. And like a good little sheep I believed it.

Then I noticed that there were women studying Business. That they were more than happy to take the classes. So I made friends with one of these women and asked her what made her decide to study Business. Her response? "Because one day I'm going to open my own business and be my own boss, and I need to know how."

This was back in the mid 90's. Back then, it was rare to find anyone willing to give a female entrepreneur money to do anything. Most of the grants and loans went to men. That thankfully has changed, but still the gender inequality is there. Just as it lurks in the mainstream workplace as well. In fact, it's more prevalent in the mainstream workplace.

Women still get paid less than men. In one study done by the Institute for Women's Policy Research, it was found that in 2011 women made .77 to every dollar that men made. Now I don't know what the current figures are but I strongly doubt they've changed much in the last two years. It's a simple fact that even though more and more women have become the primary breadwinners in the family, they are still getting significantly less then men in the same positions.

Did you know that there are a lot of religions out there that emphasize the subjugation of women? Mormon, Catholic, most of the mainstream Christian faiths in fact, along with Muslims (though I will admit the Muslims are more extreme) try to force women into subservient roles in the family. Women are supposed to obey their husbands, take care of the home, and give birth to children to continue the cycle. I am appalled by this continued enforcement of patriarchy in our homes. Our society has moved beyond that. Women are free, independent, thinking beings who have recognized that we are such and for the most part are no longer willing to be subjugated by husbands and fathers. We need to encourage this, not try to enforce an antiquated notion of patriarchy that should have gone out of style in the 50's.

Look at every major religion and business in the world. How many women are in positions of power compared to men? There are far fewer women in those positions. The world is still a male dominated society. Something needs to change.

I'm not saying that there are jobs out there that women aren't as suited for as men. On the contrary, there are jobs where men are better at it than women. Just as there are jobs where women are better at it than men. What I'm saying is men and women deserve equal treatment and equal pay for the equal work that they do. A fair and equitable wage for everyone should be the norm, not based on gender stereotypes and racial profiling.

Thursday Thoughts - Religion

I know this is a touchy subject for some, but I wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't post some of my thoughts on religion. This is my soapbox so feel free to disagree with me. Do not try and preach at me, however. You will be ignored.

Let me start out by saying that I started out my life in one of the Christian religions. To be precise, the LDS faith. I was weaned on the stories from the Book of Mormon. I was taught church history and how our view of the world was the "one true way". I grew up believing it. Then a defining event happened that made me realize just how corrupt the LDS church really was. I was excommunicated at 21 for having a girlfriend. I haven't looked back.

I've attended a few other purely Christian denominational services. I've come to realize that I do NOT believe in the Christian concept of god as based on the bible. Everyone is taught that god is a good and loving god, that he is merciful and kind. He's nothing of the sort. He's a vengeful, jealous, murderous bastard. Just read the bible and you see that.

I neither believe in heaven or hell in the common concept of those. I believe that our lives can be heaven or hell here on Earth, depending on how we live and what we do with those lives.There are things that are bad in this world, things I would class as purely evil, but people have that freedom of choice. We may not like the choices some people make. We're not required to. But everyone has free will and has the right to exercise that will. They just have to be ready to face the consequences of their actions. Their punishment will come at the hands of other people, not some faceless god.

Now, interestingly enough, I believe that Jesus existed. Not that he was the son of god, but that he was a wise and gentle teacher who taught such radical thinking that the high priests had to get rid of him before he screwed up their gig. I believe he was crucified for his beliefs. That was a common enough occurrence in those days. I don't believe he came back from the dead. I also believe his teachings stuck around and that's where we get the early vestiges of the Christian faith.

What do I believe in? Well, that's a good question.

I believe that a person's spirituality is largely a matter of personal study and experiences. I believe that everyone has a choice in their lives. I believe that everyone should be allowed to face the consequences of their choices. I believe that suffering in some way is inevitable, but how we deal with that pain is entirely up to us. We can let it destroy us or we can let it make us stronger. I believe that when we die we don't go to a predetermined place of rest. I believe our energy is recycled into this world and goes on in one form or another.

Thursday Thoughts - DOMA is dead

As many of you are no doubt aware, on Wednesday the Supreme Court ruled that the Defense of Marriage Act was unconstitutional and violated the civil rights of those who were recognized as married by the states they lived in.

All I can say is it's about damn time.

According to Wikipedia, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Iowa, Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, Minnesota, New Hampshire, New York, Rhode Island, Vermont, and Washington —as well as the District of Columbia and five Native American tribes—have legalized same-sex marriage. There are states out there working to legalize same sex marriage now. With DOMA ruled unconstitutional, those couples in these states can now receive the federal benefits due to married couples.

What does this mean to me?

I have friends living in New York and Connecticut who are legally married. They have long been denied the benefits of marriage because of the fact that their spouses are the same sex as them. With this ruling, they'll be granted all the rights that I have since I am in a heterosexual relationship and legally married to my husband.

There are going to be religious groups who scream that now they have to perform same sex marriages against their religious beliefs. My answer to that is no they don't. They are protected under the First Amendment with the proviso that they follow the laws of the land. Nowhere in the law does it say they have to perform these marriages. They don't even have to approve of them. All it means is the federal government is now forced to recognize same sex marriages and legal and legitimate marriages.

What I would like to see is the allowance of a redefinition of family. I vote we let same sex couples adopt children. Let them work through surrogates to have children. Give them the same rights to have a family, a life, to fulfill their dreams that a heterosexual couple has. End the discrimination and hate towards those who do not fit in with the classic definition of "normal".

This quote aptly sums up my feelings on this matter. It is a quote from a Unitarian Universalist minister. The UU church is one of the few churches that recognizes same sex pairings as legitimate and is openly welcome of the LGBTQI community.

"As we celebrate today's historic decisions, I think of the hundreds of thousands of people--some no longer walking among us--who took the actions that made today happen. Courageous, specific, undramatic, often repetitive, actions that always lead to the big moments. For all of the actors, known and unknown, my heart swells with gratitude." - Rev. Meg Riley, CLFUU.

Monday Maundering - Marriage Equality

Image courtesy of George Takei, Facebook

Today I'm getting my soapbox out because of the landmark decision the SCOTUS is having to deal with. That is the ruling on marriage equality.

I'm for it. 100%. I believe that everyone who is over the age of consent should be allowed to marry the partner of their choice, assuming that partner is also over the age of consent, regardless of gender. I believe that every person over the age of consent who wants to be a parent should be allowed that opportunity whether it's through natural child birth, IVF, surrogacy, or adoption. Everyone should have the right to be a family as they define it.

Not everyone defines love, marriage, and family the same way. The government needs to stay out of our definitions and allow those of us over the age of consent to choose the way we live our lives. If a child is under the age of consent, but knows that he/she is gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender we need to support them in that too. It's not a phase they'll grow out of. It's who they are.

Children should be brought up recognizing that it doesn't matter if who they love is black, white, purple with green polka dots, or the same gender as they are. They have the right and the privilege of loving that person and hopefully being loved back. A boy who wants to wear a dress to prom should be allowed, just as a girl wanting to wear a tux should be allowed. A woman who believes she should have been born a man should be given the same rights and protections as a real man would be. The same goes for a man who thinks he should have been born a woman.

Relationships need to be open and honest, and how can they be if you're forcing one person to deny a part of who they are? Society's fear and hatred of those who follow the LGBT path needs to end. All those who follow the LGBT path are not sinners, not freaks, and sure as hell are not evil. They have the basic human right to love who they wish and they should be encouraged and welcomed. We need to open our eyes and our hearts and bring about equality for all.

Sunday 'fess up...Anni's running out of pithy titles for these things

Hello everyone!

I know, I know.  I'm late with getting this up.  It's still Sunday for another two hours here so it still counts as a proper SFU.  I'll be a little better about getting it in on time next week.  At least, I hope I will.

This week has been full of same crap different day.  Himself is still unemployed.  I've gotten another lovely "meeting with a manager" over with.  I still have a job.  Twitchy is still a pain in the ass.  You know, the same stuff I tend to complain about.

Writing is going well.  The Beauty and the Beast retelling is finally taking off.  I've found ways of making it fit the dark, twisted vision I've had all along.  No light and fluffy, although it does have a happy ending.  I can't quite completely obliterate the faerie tale out of this story.

This week my SFU is going to be a little different.  I'm dragging out my soapbox again.  I'm bringing up some things that bothered me over the last week in regards to news and the like.  The first thing that I want to talk about is something that's not far from a lot of minds: the debt ceiling talks.

Gee, who DIDN'T think that the talks were going to collapse?  Seriously.  The Republicans are so fucking protective of the wealthy in this country that they feel that destroying this country is worth it.  REALLY?  Come on.  There are people starving to death in this country because we don't have enough money.  There are elderly who are choosing between medications and food, knowing they need both to survive and yet they don't have enough to buy both.  Whole families are living homeless because of this shit.  It has got to STOP.

But they won't listen to us.  Maybe when the entire fucking country is unemployed, starving, and littered with the corpses of people who fought to the end to survive and ultimately failed they'll begin to understand what their bullshit is doing to this country.

Another thing I wanted to talk about is how focused people are on Amy Winehouse.  I didn't even know who she was until I Googled her when she started showing up all over my Twitter feed.  I hate to break it to you folks, but, well, a musician overdosing on drugs and alcohol and dying from it isn't news.  It's more common than it should be, actually.

Now, I'm not saying her death isn't tragic.  It's sad to think of someone so young dying.  I don't know if she had more musically to offer the world but she was still a person who had friends and family who loved her.  How must they be feeling right now, knowing she's dead because no one could seem to help her fight her self-destructive behavior?  Where were they when she was self-destructing?

Too many people stand back and go "Too bad, so sad. but she did it to herself so she deserves it".  No one stops to think of the people left behind who have to live with the feeling that they might have been able to do something to prevent it.  Just like what happens when someone suicides because of depression.  Or when a doctor misdiagnoses something and a family has to watch a loved one die when, if they'd just pushed a little harder they might have convinced that loved one to see a different doctor.

Death is tragic, no matter what the circumstances.  How about we take a moment to remember, not only Amy Winehouse, but all of the teens who've killed themselves because of persecution for being part of the LGBT community, or were too intelligent or too creative for their peers to understand, or are being abused and death is the only way out they can see?  Or all of those civilians killed in every war that we've ever had?  Or for all of the soldiers that have laid their lives on the line, who are still laying their lives on the line, and who are getting screwed over by the country they've sworn to protect?  Or how about those who die due to the incompetence of medical practitioners?  Or those too poor to be able to afford doctors, who die in the streets or in their homes because they don't have any way to get help?  Who will remember all of the silent casualties of a war that should never be fought in the first place - a war against humanity that large corporations and politicians seem to want to wage with us as the unwilling (and unknowing) soldiers?

*puts soapbox back in her closet*

To close out, here's the usual music videos.  Enjoy.

Well, there goes my last shred of faith in our justice system

Mother whose son was killed in hit-and-run faces 2 years in jail for jaywalking

I just...

I mean...

WHAT THE FUCK, PEOPLE?

I have no words to express how much of an outrage this is to me.  A mother of four children is about to be sentenced to two years in jail for cutting across the street - like everyone else was doing - when the guy that murdered - yes, I said MURDERED - her four year old son got 6 months?  How the HELL is that justice?

The man admitted he was popping pain pills and drinking when he ran this woman and her children down.  The four year old was killed.  And the guy drove off without any thought to the family he'd just hurt.  And they gave him SIX FREAKING MONTHS?  And she's getting TWO YEARS because she was trying to get her kids home and inside faster?  That is seriously some fucked up shit going on in Georgia.

I understand jaywalking is illegal.  But when you're one of a dozen or more doing it, and the cops single you out when you lose your child to an asshole who's driving intoxicated and who speeds off into the night, that's just wrong.  The fact that the article says the public is largely unsympathetic to her just makes it worse.  She just lost her son.  Now her children will lose their mother.  Those kids, if their dad isn't in the picture and there isn't a family member willing to take over their care, will end up in some kind of foster care situation through CPS.

Let's not get me on the soapbox about CPS.  I think that, for the most part, the people who are in it are powermongering hypocrites, liars, and home wreckers.  There is NOTHING you will say that will convince me otherwise.  Yes they do serve a purpose, and there are those times when they do good.  But all of the times they've done good have been washed away by the gross miscarriage of their power that I've seen and experienced.

To be perfectly honest, my heart goes out to this woman and her children.  I don't think we should condemn a tired mother for trying to take the fastest route home with her children.  In the middle of a heat wave.  After they'd already missed their first bus.  I think we should condemn the bastard who ran them down.  I think we should condemn the prosecutor, the judge, and the jury who are persecuting this woman because of this situation.  I think we should condemn the hard heartedness of the general public in her area because no mother should ever have to go through the agony of losing her child and find herself on the wrong end of a legal witch hunt.

That's my .02 on this.  Feel free to discuss in the comments.  I'm off my soapbox for now.

WSJ has no clue #YASaves

I've dragged my soapbox out again.  And I'm not afraid to use it.  Recently, there was a post in the WSJ that irritated several people.  Such as KD Sarge, Chuck Wendig, and even another author at the WSJ Christopher Farley.  I was curious, so I went looking for the article in question.

This irritates me.

Let me explain why: I'm one of THOSE children.  A child who slipped through the cracks and was pretty much forgotten by everyone except bullies...and my middle school and high school librarians.  Those librarians saved my life by directing me to books that they hoped I'd love.  And not all of those books were sweetness and light.

I talk about my mum and how awesome she was.  And she was awesome, once I became an adult and moved away for a few years.  But when I was growing up, my mum was trying to come to terms with being raised by abusive parents and undiagnosed mental illness.  In plain English, mum was an abusive tyrant.  My dad was never there.  Even when he was there he wasn't THERE.  If not for the librarians and the books they shoved into my hands, I think I'd probably have killed myself.

The books they suggested gave me hope.  They showed me there was a way to escape my hell.  Not only by reading and vanishing into someone else's reality, but by finding a way out of the darkness.  My parents were ultra religious.  I didn't even understand myself because they expected me to fit into their mold and when I didn't I was punished severely for it.  The books showed me new ways of thinking, of dreaming, of existing.

Many of those books were dark and had a lot of overtones of violence, sexual content, and the darker aspects of human nature.  They were not fluffy books.  Fluffy books didn't appeal to me because they were so unrealistic that they made me angry.  To this day I still can't pick up books that are super fluffy because I'll just chuck them at the wall or something.

I'll admit there are more books on the market that deal with the darker subjects than there were when I was growing up.  To be perfectly honest, I wish these books had been around.  They're more to the point than the books I was reading were.  I'd probably have skipped more classes if I'd been able to read those books though, so it might be a good thing that they WEREN'T around when I was growing up.

The tripe about how adolescents don't need books like this is just disgusting.  These books perform a service that some parents don't have time to: they offer hope.  They show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, that they can find a way out.  They go on to show that there are people who can be trusted.  They help teach empathy, a skill many adults would be better off for learning.

YA literature today is what I wish it had been when I was growing up.  I'm proud to support the YA writers I've met and will continue to support them.  Don't try to sugar coat things for teenagers.  One thing I've learned from helping to raise my niece and nephew (who are well adjusted adults now, for the most part, even though they read a lot of these darker YA stories): teenagers have that uncanny knack of knowing when you're feeding them fluff and for many of them, that's the biggest insult there is.

*climbs off soapbox & goes back to regular blogging activities*