Leelah Alcorn and suicide

If you've been online over the past few days, you've probably encountered something dealing with the suicide of Leelah Alcorn. If you haven't, then you should look it up. Here is a more concise description than I can give.

The reason I bring this up is because it sheds a light on a very troubling situation in the United States, and all over the world. This shows the lack of understanding and acceptance of people that don't fit the gender stereotypes we're so fond of shoving people into. Looking into the statistics for transgender suicide, one article I read said “a whopping 41% who are transgender or are gender-nonconforming have attempted sometime in their lives.” This is nine times the national average. And this survey was released three years ago.

I don't know anyone who's transgender. At least, I've never heard someone claim to be that or witnessed the kinds of prejudice that is sadly a part of daily life for someone who holds that they were born in the wrong body. I realize being transgender is more than that, but that's the way I know best to describe it.

Why is it we drive people to attempt, if not actually succeed, at taking their own lives? In Leelah's case, as witnessed by her suicide note, her parents cut her off from anyone and everyone who might have understood her. They forced her into counseling for her “problem”. They might have thought they were doing the right thing for her, trying to force her back into that little box their personal and religious beliefs thought she should be in. But she didn't fit. And in the end, all she could do to help others like her was step in front of a truck and die to open up the world's eyes to a problem that has been going on for a long time.

It's not just the transgender community who suffers from the stigma of being different. Those in the LGBTQI community are bullied and in some cases are forced by well meaning loved ones into therapy that does more harm than good. Suicide rates among teens and adults in the LGBTQI community are very high. Most of them are caused by constant bullying and assaults from their peers and total strangers. In some cases, the bullying can lead to death just by the act of the assault on its own.

I think Leelah is getting her wish. In the end of her suicide note – which was published on and then later taken down by Tumblr – she said, “The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren't treated the way I was, they're treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something.”

Her death has meant something. It's shedding light on something that people tend to try to forget exists. As Leelah says, gender needs to be taught about in schools. Not the “you must always be the same gender you were born” education. The “if you don't feel quite right as your given gender, there are others out there like you.” People need to open their eyes and realize that not everyone thinks or feels the same way as they do.

For those feeling suicide is their only option, there is a national suicide prevention hotline. That number is 1-800-273-8255. But now there is a transgender phone number found here. This is the website for the Trans Lifeline. The phone number they give is 877-565-6366. The hours it's opened are available on the site. It's hoped that if they're given a place that is sensitive to their needs, that more of the transgender teens and adults will look for different solutions than killing themselves.

I don't know the kind of hell these people go through that makes them want to take their own lives. I've had my run in with committing suicide, so I have a vague indication of the hopelessness they feel. But I know how hopelessness can steal away your will to live. I experienced that two years ago.

If you know a transgender person, offer them support. That should go without saying for everyone around you that is a part of your life, whether fleeting or long term. Think before you say or do something hurtful towards another person. Stop and try to see it from their point of view before you speak or act. Not everyone is going to be like you. Don't try to force them into a narrow little hole.

Suicide

I know I talk about mental illness on my blog. It's because it's something I'm passionate about. Depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, autism, hypermania, hypomania, all of things can affect people and you might not even notice.

I'm bipolar. Last November I tried to kill myself. I took half a bottle of klonopin. But I panicked and called and texted a bunch of people. I was taken to the hospital by ambulance when the police arrived. I don't remember the ride though. I lost consciousness. We got to the ER. I was told later I had periods of me being awake and disoriented and me just being unconscious. I couldn't tell what was happening, but it was enough to frighten Himself.

I vaguely remember getting to the mental hospital. It was around 2 or 3 in the morning. I made it to my room and passed out again. I woke up when someone came to take my vitals. It was 7 am and I was told they'd been taking my vitals every 15 minutes since I got there. I wasn't clear headed but I was more oriented so they let me go to breakfast.

A few days passed and I met up with a woman appointed by the court to talk to me. We talked and explained that if she and another one of her colleagues who I would meet in another day or two gave me a positive, I'd be stuck in the mental hospital for a while until they decided to give me a negative. Both of them gave me positives.

I had to go to court so it was legally said that I was to stay in the mental hospital until they felt I wasn't a threat to myself. To go I was handcuffed and placed in the back of a police car. I stood before the judge with the handcuffs on. When it was done, I was taken back to the hospital.

The hospital I was at was only a temporary stay. They found me another hospital to spend a longer time. That was Safe Haven. I was taken in the back of a police car, though this time I wasn't handcuffed. I got to the hospital and was immediately taken under the care of a psych tech. She guided me through the initial check in, and then helped me to my room. They were single occupancy rooms so I didn't have to worry about someone bothering me. She talked to me for a few minutes about who I was, what my goals were outside of the hospital, and why I thought suicide was the only way out. She genuinely cared. I'd already been in mental hospitals for suicidal ideology (thinking about it but not actually going through with it) three times and I never felt so cared for as I did when I arrived at Safe Haven.

I was there from December 3^rd to December 18^th. While I was there, I grew comfortable dealing with the other patients and the staff. I was treated well, and any time I felt upset one of the psych techs would take me to the side and sit with me until I felt better. My psychiatrist worked with me and actually listened when I told her what was going on so we could get my cocktail of meds fully set up to help me stay stable.

I still had to have the lady appointed by the court come and talk to me to make sure I was safe to leave the hospital and go home. She came and talked to me. She gave me a negative and my involuntary hold was retracted. I could go home. It took two days for that negative to get registered with the court. My husband came and got me and I went home.

When I tried to kill myself, I thought it was the only way to go. I felt nothing in my life was going right. I thought people would be better off without me because I was just a drain on them. I decided that people didn't really love me and only said that to appease me. I didn't talk about my feelings with anyone.

Pay attention to those you know have mental illness. If they want to talk, listen to them. Be encouraging to them and show that you love them. If they have trouble, don't abandon them. You can't change them. You can't tell them what to do. But sometimes all it takes is one person who believes in them to help them. But even that doesn't always work.

The national suicide hotline is here. Some states have local suicide hotlines. Encourage them to talk to them. Make sure they have the suicide hotline so if they have any doubts it's the right thing to do they have someone to talk to.

Monday Maundering - World Suicide Prevention Day (Warning: Discussion of Suicide)

I was going to talk about the conflict in Syria, but there are so many people who've said what I'm thinking on it better than I ever could so I think I'll avoid that bandwagon. Instead, let me talk to you about something that is even closer to my heart, something I only recently learned about but have been researching like crazy since I found out about it: World Suicide Prevention Day.

WSPD is on September 10th every year. It's a joint effort between the International Association of Suicide Prevention, the World Health Organization, and the World Federation for Mental Health. This is its 11th anniversary. This year's focus is on the stigma of talking about suicide as a barrier. Read the article through the link to better understand this event.

Suicide is not a joke. Nor is it, as I've heard some people say, the process of natural selection. Natural selection implies a predator taking out the weakest or sickest of the population. Suicide is for the most part self-inflicted and can be prevented by people paying attention and offering help where help is needed.

I've been suicidal before. I probably wouldn't be here if not for my family and friends. Four times in my life I've had the method, the means, and the will to do it. My depression, a mental illness that is as devastating in its own way at times as cancer, overwhelmed me and took its toll on my mental stability. My father prevented my first attempt. Himself has prevented two of the three remaining attempts. A friend prevented the third. All because they were paying attention and even if they didn't know the warning signs of suicidal tendencies, they knew something was wrong.

The most important thing I can say about suicide prevention is educate yourself. Learn what the signs of someone considering suicide are. There are some distinct signs that can be overlooked if you're not watching for them. Pay attention to your friends and family. If they're showing signs of depression, try to convince them to seek help. Not everyone is willing to admit they have a problem. I didn't want to accept my diagnosis for several years. It's only been within the last few years that I've accepted it and started looking for ways to control it.

Suicide is the final choice for those of us who feel we have no other reason for life. People who are abused, bullied, or suffer from mental illness are the most likely candidates for attempting to end their lives. We are the forgotten ones, the ones on the edge of society. We are the ones that people look down on, step on, or ignore. We are the ones crying for help that nobody hears. If they do hear, it's generally either too late or they don't pay attention.

Don't turn your back on the bullied. Don't ignore the abused. Don't shy away from the mentally ill. Noticing the problem is the first step in prevention. Step forward when no one else will and provide those who are suffering a lifeline. Sometimes it doesn't work, but sometimes just even a single person caring about them, a single person willing to step forward and show them that they have worth and value, sometimes that's all it takes to save a life.

Thursday Thoughts - Depression

I want to talk to you today about something that plagues a lot of people's lives, and makes it so they can't live their lives well: depression.

True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer. It can make it so you don't want to get out of bed, you don't want to see family or friends, you don't want to eat, you either want to sleep all the time or you can't sleep at all. There are so many signs and symptoms of depression that it's hard to pinpoint them all.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, symptoms of depression may include the following:

*Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
*Fatigue and decreased energy
*Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness
*Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism
*Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
*Irritability, restlessness
*Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
*Overeating or appetite loss
*Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment
*Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
*Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

I suffer from depression. I have days where I just want to crawl into a hole and not come out ever again. I lose interest in everything - my writing, my husband, my cat, my life. I snap at Himself when he tries to get me to come out of it. I feel like nothing in life will ever be right again. This can go on for hours, days, or as the definition suggests, weeks.

I am on medication to curb my depressive episodes and it works for the most part. But depression isn't something I can simply "get over". It's in my head, yes, but it's not "all in my head" in the sense that I can just push it away as if it were nothing.

I've contemplated suicide three times in the past few years. All three times I had a plan and I was just waiting to put it into action. Thankfully Himself, my friends, and my therapist all caught me before I could go through with it and got me the help I needed. Suicidal thoughts are not uncommon in people who suffer from depression.

According to Web MD, an estimated 19 million American adults suffer from major depression. That's 19 million people who have their lives interrupted by something they can't consciously control. That's 19 million people who may at one point or another contemplate ending their lives because they can't handle it anymore. That's 19 million people who need love and support, not condemnation.

I have faced a lot of ridicule and discrimination because of my mental illness. People don't believe that I have problems. They think it's something I can control. I can to a certain extent, with proper medication and other treatments. But it's always there and sometimes even the medication isn't enough to fight it off. On those days I curl up, I hide from the world, and I sleep. I sleep a lot. I don't eat unless Himself forces me to eat and I won't get out of bed unless Himself forces me out of bed. Those are the days I need love and support the most, and I get it from my husband.

If you have a friend or loved one who is suffering from any kind of mental illness, remember that it's not something they can consciously control. Offer them love and support. Don't turn away from them. Educate yourself on their mental illness so you can understand what's going on. If you suffer from a mental illness yourself, educate yourself on what to expect. Learn all you can about it.

Intolerance...or why I HATE hatred

I know that seems a bit hypocritical, to say I hate something when this post is mostly about how bad hatred can be.  But the truth of it is that I simply can't stand intolerance.

According to dictionary.com, intolerance means "lack of toleration; unwillingness or refusal to tolerate orrespect contrary opinions or beliefs, persons of differentraces or backgrounds, etc."  This is the textbook example of what my roommate's mother is.


One of my best friends is gay.  She came out to her family several months ago.  They haven't spoken to her since.  Her girlfriend is a young woman who is currently a tattoo apprentice and a practicing Wiccan, and makes her living as a freelance artist on the side.  Elsie* is a college student studying to become a botanist.  Elsie* is loud, obnoxious, opinionated, rude, and sometimes really over the top.  Mary* is very similar to Elsie, though she's a little less aggressive and manages to think before she runs off her mouth.  But both of them have suffered, to some degree, the intolerance of their families.


Mary* has an older brother who is bisexual.  He understands their pain because the one time he hinted at having a boyfriend, Mary's* family threw an absolute fit.  They swore up and down he was going to hell.  When he finally snapped, he told them that the Bible always taught to "hate the sin but love the sinner", and that "no man is without sin".  They threw him out for using their religion against them.


Mary*, Elsie*, and Rick* live together in a two bedroom townhouse.  They've had their cars broken into, windows smashed, hateful graffiti spray painted all over their stuff, and beloved pets mutilated and left for them to find.  All because they've found love with partners of their own gender.


I know Elsie's* younger sister Kelsey*.  Kelsey* is the perfect daughter.  She's obedient, straight, and follows the plans her parents made for her life.  When it comes to her sister's lifestyle choices, she is loud, rude, obnoxious, and unwilling to go outside her narrow views of the world.  I'm bisexual (though happy in my relationship with my husband...we've been together 11 years & married for 8 as of this coming Halloween), opinionated, and greatly dislike discrimination of any sort.  I spoke up once - only ONCE - against her intolerance.  Now she won't talk to me, or if she does she's very rude and condescending.  


I gave up trying to say anything to her.  When she's here at the house - because Kelsey* is a friend of one of my roommates as well - I just come into the bedroom and plug my ears in.  I don't support or tolerate intolerance of any kind and won't be in the same room with her anymore.  I disappear into the world of Aleran or one of my other WIPs - where intolerance is defeated by the sheer stubborn will power.


My friend Dystophil had this to say on the subject


And she's right.  It does get better.  You just have to learn to go your own way and understand you're always going to find people who disagree with you and your beliefs, your gender perception, your choice in partners, etc.  You aren't going to change very many minds.  So learn to walk away, find others who share what you enjoy, and find joy in those few minds you are able to open up to the possibilities.


I've written before about the friend I made, the cashier at Paul's who was a Muslim woman.  I got an email recently from her.  She unbent enough to tell me she was living in Oregon.  She wouldn't tell me what city, or give me any details of her life, other than to say that they were okay and that the girls love their new school.  She's still scared, after over a year, to tell me any details because she's terrified of the kind of violence she faced here.


It breaks my heart to see that she doesn't trust me.  She doesn't trust anyone.  She lives in a Muslim neighborhood in some city in Oregon, where violence and hate crimes go unpunished for the most part because the cops aren't able to catch anyone doing anything wrong.  Her girls go to school as part of a large group of children so no one can catch one of them alone to beat them up or kidnap them.


It frightens me to think she's being forced to live like that.  I know things have gotten better for her.  Her emails aren't as tense, so I think something's being done to help the people in the neighborhood she lives in.  She says that there are some very nice people like me - non-Muslims who don't feel they have to look down on her just because some fanatics who follow the same religion as her decided to become terrorists.


Again, that intolerance issue.  This is why I think people need to sit down, shut up, and open their damned minds.  Especially here in America.  We're one of the most intolerant countries in the world.  We're rated as one of the rudest, and we have one of the higher suicide rates due to emotional distress and bullying.  Look at all the reports about bully-induced suicides that have been going around lately.


An Irish girl who moved to the U.S. kills herself because of bullying
Tyler Clementi was a victim of a vicious practical joke & took his own life
He was only 13...what harm did he do anyone?
Why does being Welsh matter when you're part of the same island chain?
We need stronger laws...but we also need better parenting to prevent bullying from the start
A desperate crush shouldn't end in death

I could go on and on, but each of these stories is just making me sick to my stomach.  It's time we stepped back and took a look at ourselves, our world, and our children.  It's time to be heard.  It's time to Speak Loudly against the kind of pain intolerance causes others.


ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!