I cut my hair short. I cut it very
short. I hate anything longer than about an inch long, and I tend to
cut it even shorter than that because it grows out too fast if I
don't. I'm not an attractive woman to begin with, and I don't think
the haircut helps. But I love it and don't have any plans on changing
my way of doing it any time soon.
This leads me to one of my general
anxieties though, that I will be assaulted for being a lesbian
because of my short hair. I know it's a silly one, but it's a very
real problem in today's society. I don't even want to leave the house
without Himself because of that fear. I don't even feel safe with my
PSR (a case worker who's supposed to be helping with my anxiety
issues) because she's female. With as much as she hovers over me,
people may think she's my girlfriend.
As long as they keep their ideas to
themselves, I'm fine with that. But once they start harassing me
about it, I'm likely to lose it. And not in the “I'm pissed” way.
In the “I'm having a full blown panic attack” way, which will
just make things worse.
Why do people harass and/or assault
people just because of a haircut? Or skin color? Or gender? I know
the answer to that of course. Everyone does. I just wonder why
society continues to allow it to happen.
There is nothing so disheartening to go
somewhere and be pointed to and whispered about. To see sneers or
disgusted looks. I'm overweight, though I'm trying to do something
about that. I keep my hair short because I'm comfortable this way. I
wish people would accept that and not make snap judgments based on my
appearance. I wish they'd try to get to know me first, to learn the
person behind the body. They never will though, because their first
impression of me based on my appearance is going to be unfavorable.
This doesn't mean I don't do the same thing. I'm just as guilty of this as others. It just seems to be something hard wired into our brains. We need to find a way to get past it and give other people chances in spite of their appearances.
This doesn't mean I don't do the same thing. I'm just as guilty of this as others. It just seems to be something hard wired into our brains. We need to find a way to get past it and give other people chances in spite of their appearances.
I feel that a lot of times, too, and it's made worse by the fact that I don't know how much of it is insecurity and how much is the fact that people are such jerks. That "sticks and stones" bit is bullshit.
ReplyDeletePS. You look nice with your new haircut.
I have issues with insecurity too. It makes things even harder. And thanks.
DeleteIt's good that you are able to articulate these fears, at least. Getting them out in the open and addressing the reasons for them is important to working through it and becoming more confident. Though it's hard to give the finger to anxiety or agoraphobia, I'm glad to hear you have a supportive "Himself" as well as a case worker.
ReplyDeleteYeah, my husband and case worker are great. Both of them know my warning signs and when things get too bad, they'll find some way of getting me away from it. I've gotten stronger over the last five months, which has boosted my confidence.
DeleteI think being aware of how we judge people by looks is a step in the right direction. I'm not always good about it by any means, but I do try to make an effort when I realize I'm being judgmental about someone I don't know.
ReplyDeleteI do the same thing. I struggle all the time with this. I want people to stop judging me by my appearance so I have to do the same thing with them.
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