Thursday Thoughts - Returning to work

I had originally not planned on doing this. I was going to stay on disability and write full time. But as the months have passed that I've been on disability, I realized that I felt like I was losing a little bit of myself every day. I've spent the better part of the last 20 years working outside the home. I've had some bouts of unemployment, and some of that I was working temp agencies. But I've been working outside the home most of my adult life. It felt like I had lost a portion of my identity.

So I've decided to go back to my old job.

I've still got a job there until September 10th, and I plan on going back before that cut off date. I have a vision of finally being able to afford life to the point I can get off public assistance. Where I can afford to pay all my bills and not worry about where the money is going to be coming from. I'm not worried about buying luxuries or toys or things like that. Right now, I just want enough to pay for the things I need and maybe a little extra to put towards getting into our own place.

I don't like my old job. But I can do it. And the pay and benefits aren't bad. It's something I know how to do and can do fairly well. I'll get to see some old friends I haven't seen in almost a year. I should be back under my old manager, who as far as I know liked me well enough.

Am I scared? Very much so. I stopped working because my mental illness was so far out of control that I couldn't even make it through a day at work without having a panic attack. And I've added the new complication of seizures to my repertoire of issues, so there's that as well. But I've been stable for a while and my seizures aren't all that frequent. I can tell my employer to be on the watch for my seizures but I'm still fit to return to work.

So now I have to go see my therapist to get some paperwork filled out so I can go back to work. I need to talk to my med doctor to get something to help with anxiety. And I need to talk to my general practitioner about adjusting my anti seizure meds. All of these things have to happen before I can go back to work. I have two of the three appointments this week. I haven't talked to my general practitioner yet but I intend to within the next week.

This is going to mean my writing is going to suffer. If I go back to work, I'll be working four 10 hour shifts. Those days I'm probably not going to get much writing done. On my days off though I'll be plowing on ahead with whatever project I'm working on.

I hope you'll all wish me luck as I embark on this new phase of my life. Because I'm going to need all the luck I can get.