A bridge over a beautiful waterfall

A bridge over a beautiful waterfall
Nature brings magic

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Sunday 'fess up...Anni is hurting right now

Hey everyone.

If you've read the blog for a while, you know Himself went in April to say goodbye to his mom because she'd taken a turn for the worse.  She hung in there for another four months before finally receiving an end to her pain and illness on Friday night.  My mother-in-law has finally passed, bringing with her death a more extreme closure to our lives than you might expect.

I used to be close to my mother-in-law.  But events over the past few years drove us apart and for a time even made it so she refused to speak to Himself, let alone me.  But time and her own growing sense of mortality allowed her to forgive Himself and they started talking again.  She refused to have anything to do with me, blaming me for everything - including "stealing" her son away from her.

What's interesting is I'm sad she's dead.  I'm hurting for Himself, who's hurting bad enough over his mom's death.  I'm also hurting because she died with that animosity still between us.  I'd have liked some more time to hopefully work things out with her so we could at least be civil to each other again, for Himself's sake.  I'm sad because Himself really has no other family - his sister...let's not get into her right now, just accept she's out of the picture; his grandmother preceded his mother in death; he doesn't know if his biological father is alive (and he doesn't really care either); and now his mom has passed.  He for all intents and purposes has no family now other than me.

I'm also relieved she's dead.  Not because I hated her.  I loved her in spite of everything.  I'm relieved because she's no longer suffering.  She was in such poor health that she barely recognized Himself when he went to see her in April.  She's finally at peace and no longer shackled to a body that had stopped working right several years ago.  Himself isn't quite ready to accept that at this point (which I don't blame him...I didn't want to accept it after MY mom died), so right now we're just kind of taking it one day at a time.

On the writing front, I'm putting ONLY A NAME on hold for a while.  I want to focus on some of my other projects because I'm to the point where I hate looking at OAN.  I want to delete the whole thing and forget it ever existed.  Not that I'm going to.  I'm just going to ignore it again for a little while and see if my attitude improves and I can finally get it polished and ready for publication attempts.  I've got the same problem with my Beauty and the Beast retelling.

So I'm going to find other projects to work on.  I'm going to find other stories to tell.  And hopefully, one day, when I come back to both of these projects I'll be able to put the kind of care and attention into them that they deserve.  Otherwise they're both going to get deleted and I'll probably kick myself for that in a few months once I've changed my mind about how horrible they both are.

Work is work.  I'm taking a couple days off to deal with Himself and losing my mother-in-law.  Then I'll be back to work.  I'm actually doing better than I was, though I'm still not where they want me.

Music videos for your enjoyment.

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