So
Christmas is behind us and the New Year approaches. I've thought
about this past year and I realized I've had a serious problem with
my depression. Not just the chemical imbalance that comes along with
Bipolar, but the self-induced misery that people sometimes find
themselves in.
I
am not a cheerful person by nature. I tend to be very serious. There
are times where I don't get a joke because I don't find it funny. Or
I won't even understand it. Comedy is lost on me most of the time.
Himself tries to keep me upbeat and happy with his silliness and
along with talking me out of my depression when I can't seem to drag
myself out of it. I don't know where I'd be without him.
Holidays
are never a good time for me. There have been some major things that
happened that just sucked the love of the holidays out of me. I don't
just mean Christmas and New Year. I mean all holidays. My depression
is really bad during those times.
But
this Christmas something changed. I realized that I wanted some kind
of thing to mark it. Not this year, because it would be very
difficult to do what I wanted. I want a fake tree, maybe three or
four feet high. Nothing too big. I want some simple decorations to go
on it. And I want to be able to put a wrapped gift or two under it.
Even if Himself knows what he's getting for Christmas, I want to have
the thrill of opening them.
This
will have to wait until we have a place of our own. But it's
something I want to do. Also I need to get back into the habit of
eating pickled fish on New Year's Eve. It's a family tradition that
I've had to let go for the past couple years but I think I'll ask my
dad to share a little of his since he got a big jar at Costco so I
have a piece or two. Himself won't touch it, but that's okay. This is
my tradition that comes from my family.
I
was also very lonely over the holidays. I had Himself, but he spent
Christmas playing video games. I didn't mind. I spent my day reading
silly stories and writing to try to keep from sinking into
depression. But I didn't get over to my dad's to see everyone for
Christmas. My dad told me that was a good thing since the visits were
spread out through the entire day, the last one ending around 10:30
pm. I can handle an hour or two over there but not much much more
than that. We went over the day after Christmas.
I'm
really whiny in this post, and I'm sorry. This has been a kind of
stream of consciousness piece, with a little self-editing here and
there. I promise I'll be a little perkier on Friday. I do hope all of
you had a wonderful Christmas and will have a Happy New Year.
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