A bridge over a beautiful waterfall

A bridge over a beautiful waterfall
Nature brings magic

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

10 years strong - and stronger

Today is Halloween, but this isn't going to be the typical trick or treat post.

No, I want to tell you about something that I'm proud of.

On this day, ten years ago, at 8:30 in the morning, I went to the Ada County Courthouse and was married to a man that most people thought I'd never make it five years with. We'd already been together for three years, with about 4 months off for a major break up during our engagement, but that didn't matter. Our marriage wasn't going to make it to five years. We'd be divorced after a year, maybe two.

Yeah, we proved those naysayers wrong.

We were almost divorced at nine years. Some of you may remember my posts from around this time last year bemoaning the fact that Himself was contemplating asking me for a divorce. I'm happy to say we got past that and are now a much stronger couple for it.

That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about today...getting stronger. I am a much stronger woman than I was ten years ago. My husband is a much stronger man than he was ten years ago. I don't mean physically. I mean emotionally. We've literally been through hell in the last three years. Last year was almost hell number 3 (let's not talk about hell numbers 1 & 2...those happened within the same year, within a few months of each other, and almost killed us). But each time something has happened that made us come out stronger together rather than break apart.

Part of it is our personalities. I'd rather die than get a divorce. I don't believe in divorce, though I know it happens and it could have just as easily happened to me. At this point in my life, I can say I won't be the one to initiate a divorce ever. In the future, who knows. I can only say how I feel now. He gets angry and last year he was very angry and very hurt (not necessarily because of me...family issues). I got the brunt of it last year because I was a convenient target and the real person he wanted to hurt was out of reach. He realized this and we worked past the broken trust issue with the divorce threat and moved on.

We're stronger for that too.

Every event in our ten years has given us some new personal strengths, as well as strengthening us as a couple. Everyone told us again as we faced down our first hell three years ago that we should divorce. That it was all my fault (his side of the family) that it happened, that he was worthless (my side of the family), and that we'd lose everything if we stayed together. We were going to lose everything anyway regardless if we stayed together or not. We chose to stay together so we didn't have to face it alone.

I love my husband. We have our spats. We get on each other's nerves. We sometimes hurt each other badly enough to make someone (me) cry. But we get past it, we get through it, and we move on a little stronger and a little better. That's one of the secrets to why our marriage has lasted so long...our ability to turn our weaknesses into our strengths and to help each other push past the bad and grow stronger.

1 comment:

  1. I'm happy for you. It sounds like you understand each other very well and love each other. Love is what makes you want to make it work, so that's awesome.

    I do believe in divorce, personally. I mean, I believe in trying to make it work for as long as you both want to make it work. And trying to make it work for the right reason -- because you love each other -- not because you're trapped by the cultural value that divorce is wrong/sinful/embarrassing, etc. But after watching my parents' marriage, I can say that there comes a time when throwing in the towel is preferable to torturing each other (and/or your kids) any further.

    May you have many more happy years together! :)